Dove asks women a question that men should be asking, too.
In a new, brilliantly illuminating online video from Dove , women are asked to sit behind a curtain and describe themselves to an experienced police sketch artist, answering his questions until he has created a portrait of them, sight-unseen. But they aren’t allowed to see his work right away, because they are escorted out, and a stranger who they shared a waiting room with is escorted in. The strangers then goes through the same exercise, describing the features of the women they just met, and a second set of sketches is completed.
Then the heart-aching part happens. The women are invited back in to view both sketches, side-by-side, and in turn, each realizes that the self-portraits they described are less attractive and flattering than those articulated by complete strangers. Every single woman included each flaw on her face. Moles. Wrinkles. Thin lips. Bags under the eyes. Meanwhile, every stranger bypassed those imperfections and yet, the portraits they helped generate were, by and large, at least as accurate as those that came from self-perception.
This is where advertising and social science meet in a way that couldn’t have happened half-a-generation ago, when 30-second commercials and single-image print ads had to tell the whole story, all while selling a specific product. Dove took more than six minutes to let this process unfold the right way, with less than a tenth of it dedicated to overt branding. Still, there was no question which brand was responsible, and who they were speaking to.
As a professional ad man, I’m in awe of what Ogilvy Toronto and Dove did together, advancing their own, standout “Campaign for Real Beauty” that has been making waves and reshaping the way women think of their bodies for more than a half a decade. But as a man (minus the “ad” prefix), it left me sad that this phenomenon would be so evident in modern women, but also curious. What would’ve happened if men had been included in this experiment?
Would we be as critical of ourselves, or would we be a bunch of Homer Simpsons posing in front of our mental mirrors, bouncing our imagined pecs to the Can Can? Would we focus on our weakest traits, or emphasize our best features? Is a man more or less likely to give the forensic artist what he needs to draw an accurate portrait, and if so… why?
My gut instinct was that most men wouldn’t be as hard on themselves, but I’ll admit, I had no evidence for why. So I looked for a little. Turns out a study in 2011 found that with the exception of objectively, inarguably attractive males (think the Brad, Denzel, Tom Brady set), men do tend to overrate their own attractiveness . Most of the theories on why this would be center around evolutionary forces where male confidence is read as attractive, thus becoming a self-fulfilling process that eventually leads to mating. In essence, it isn’t about how colorful the tail feathers are. It’s about how confidently the peacock fans them.
However, as I wrote back around Super Bowl time , I feel we also have to consider the additive effects of modern men having so many examples of average joes and less-than-handsome gents being adored by beautiful women on TV and movie screens as well. If Bill Murray can swagger into a scene, with his receding hairline and pockmarked cheeks in full evidence, and win the heart of a sexy MP or a soon-to-be-possessed cellist, why should the rest of us guys focus on something as trivial as a mono-brow or an extra chin?
So it would appear that there are both evolutionary and cultural reasons to think most men wouldn’t “paint” a less-flattering portrait of themselves with words. But I can admit, from personal experience, to having played both the roll of harsh self-critic and blithe-self-promoter at various times in my life.
Ask me to describe my face right now and I’ll tell you about the nose that was already a shade too big before I broke it chasing my son around the monkey bars at a park. That chicken-pock scar under might right eye would likely get a mention, as would the mole that I keep trying to sell as “DeNiro-esque.” I’d certainly point out that my upper lip should be on the back of a milk carton considering it’s been missing since childhood. Now, according to the study I quoted earlier, that either means I’m inarguably handsome and underplaying my charms (waiting for validation on this… still waiting) … or that even with all aforementioned flaws, I’m still, somehow, overrating my looks. Heaven help me, and my wife, if that’s the case.
Then again, I also know that I’ve been guilty of the Homer Simpson mirror moment as well. Five years ago, I weighed 35 pounds more than I do now, yet never thought of myself as “overweight.” I was. I look back on pictures of myself and it’s clear now in a way that it never was then. Does that mean I was more confident (to the point of overconfidence) during those days of wine and donuts? Maybe. Or maybe my own experience, plus the information from the 2011 study, suggest another idea.
What if men, regardless of their objective “attractiveness,” are predisposed to think of themselves as average, or just a little bit above? It would explain why the hunks in the study might underrate their hunkiness. Certainly, as a gender, we haven’t been socialized to attach our self-image or worth to our looks the way women have. And we see a similar pattern emerge when we talk about men’s self-evaluation of their intellect as well. Adrian Furnham of University College London found a gender disparity while asking subjects to estimate their own IQs. Women respondents estimated their IQs were, on average, five points lower than their actual scores, while men were the opposite, overestimating their brain power by the same five points.
Again, it seems built into men to overestimate ourselves.
Is this conclusive proof that if Dove for Men had recreated this revealing piece of psycho-tising, they would’ve gotten different results? Of course not. But it does add one more piece of the puzzle suggesting that just as women are still on a journey to love and appreciate themselves as they are, men might be on the same path, heading the other way on quest to simply recognize their authentic selves. If so, we can only hope to meet somewhere in the middle, where our perceptions of ourselves would finally match what everyone else can see the moment they meet us.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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Not sure I agree with the conclusion that men would think they are better looking then they are because in general men tend to be more honest with themselves about themselves (and other things in life) than women, or at least this I what I have found. Women tend to sugarcoat things more than men to make themselves feel better so I don’t agree with the article. Now men might be more confident in general, that I’ll agree with, so my guess would be they would be much more likely to describe themselves exactly how they look, not better, not… Read more »
Hi Trey 1963
Good try Trey!
Log in as a woman in a serious,good dating site.
Then take a look at the photos a lot of men put up of them selves.
Preferable look at those not so young,because all young people “look good “.
Then come back here and tell us what you think.
Lets go with median male and female images posted….. throw away the outliers…….and then back on topic. Women in general have more personal image/appearance based vanity than men do…..Other than being Clean and presentably dressed I do little else……’cause once a troll always a troll even in a thousand dollar suit. Not an uncommon outlook among men.
Women are sad creatures.
So much of their identity is defined by physical appearance.
We all get old and ugly. A woman’s window for idealized beauty is short. Then what?
A last minute scramble for a life mate?
A sad surrender?
Even though these woman perceived themselves as less than they are, in truth they are but a few years off. The problem is not that they judge themselves too harshly but that they are judging themselves by impossible criteria.
Hi Dead man Jones
When I read about men’s feelings and experience here I think the same sad thoughts when men tell that their only attraction is their wallet.
Iben,
I am sorry. I see this is personal for you.
I simply meant to say beauty is fleeting and that one needs to base their self-worth on something more substantive.
As for men who love money…. Yes, I have known a few. Perhaps they are sad as well. However, it has been my experience that women judge men by their wallets, not so much other men.
To note, you can rent beauty for a night, it has a dollar value to some, you cannot buy self-worth at any price.
Hi Deadman Jones Thank you! I appraised a dialog without hurting each other. Men are not the enemy! And you are absolutely right. Our self esteem ,sense of self worth must not be based on good looks and beauty. And women can be cruel to other women when it comes to looks. No man has ever hurt me with hurtful comments about my looks,but female friends have. Here is two examples: 1: I tell an old women friends that I want to find a man to share my life with,and get married again. I have been divorced for a long… Read more »
Hi Shawn
The photos women put up of themselves on dating sites must give an idealized picture !
Maybe they want to scare other women away?
And they succeed. I do not feel not good enough when i look at the pictures of women on dating sites.
Maybe they scare men as well?
Hi Shane
Can you explain why so many men put up horrible pictures of themselves on dating sites?
When I brows through ads and look at their photoes I am convicted they either think their looks does not matter at all to women,or they are sort of blind. As if they have no idea about their real erotic capital. Or maybe they simply don’t care?
So many post pictures that show them as less attractive than they really are. WHY ?
I just don’t get it.
My SIL was on jDate for a while…most of the pics were quite accurate with the real life person (and she did date some rather attractive, hot men)….although, one guy put up a really old photo (2 decades old and 100 lbs. lighter!)… she did date him for a while but it did not work out ( he happened to be totally wacky, among other issues!)….
i second this request! i am stumped by sooooo many photos that guys choose as those to represent themselves on online dating sites. i often wonder who they are hoping to attract. everything from poor lighting to scary and intimidating to dull and lifeless. i don’t believe most of these men are actually this way and they have many wonderful qualities that could be better displayed. then, i frequently read profiles that complain about their lack of success. if only they could understand how they are doing themselves a disservice…
🙂
Iben and Lucy, I’m the wrong guy to speak specifically to online dating as a guy who was married at birth (okay, as a 23-year-old). However, if the hypothesis I throw out in this piece holds water, it certainly wouldn’t be surprising that men don’t think too much (or even enough) about how they present their looks on a dating site. Maybe because they haven’t been socialized to worry about their “looks” that way… or maybe because they all believe they’re average to slightly above, and thus, a “real” photo of them should be plenty good enough. Do men have… Read more »
Or just that men are more likely to display an honest photographic representation of themselves than women do? How is honesty a bad thing?
Just turn your questions into statements and you have your answers.
Ok, without even reading a single word of this article or any comments, i’m going to guess it’s about how men should see themselves as ugly blights upon society, and women should see themselves as beautiful angels sent to bless the world.
Annnnnnd you’d be wrong.
The Dove Real Beauty Sketches advertising campaign is misleading and bending to gender stereotypes. it reinforces that women’s beauty is only defined by how they look which is very one dimensional. It also reinforces the lie that real beauty is skinny and white. Dove reinforces this by selling products like skin cleanses that aim for this ideal which for most women is unattainable. The advertising campaign was based on a 2010 world wide Dove survey which showed that 75% of girls aged between 6 to 12 did not like some part of their appearance. This self appearance anxiety is perpetuated… Read more »
Ironically Dove is owned by the same company that sells Axe (Unilever).
Unilever only cares about tugging on your emotions to sell soap. If one approach doesn’t work then try a different marketing approach with what would seem to be a different company. Either way they cover the masses.
I what the dove sketch video was trying to say but there was a problem to the video. The problem with the dove sketches is that it only addressed thin, white women. It wasn’t inclusive to larger women or women of color. Basically, they are sending the message that they are more beautiful than you think if you’re thin & white.
They should have sent that message to women of ALL shapes & colors .
“I like what the dove sketch video was trying to say…”
missed the like in there.
Valid criticism. But what about their exclusion of men, the subject of Shawn’s article? What do you think of that?
@fareed, I read a great response to what you’re mentioning here: http://jazzylittledrops.tumblr.com/post/48118645174/why-doves-real-beauty-sketches-video-makes-me
as for Shawn’s post – I think he makes some completely true and valid points. Especially his thoughts about socialization and the difference between how women and men are socialized in our society. It would be great to see a similar thing done with men, for comparison and general knowledge…perhaps not sponsered by a company with an agenda though…
I am not sure it is wise to take a ‘study’ or ‘social science’ by a company looking to sell products as a basis for anything.
I think it’s more than fair to be plenty suspicious of a brand-sponsored “experiment.” There’s no empirical reason to believe the results are valid.
But there is plenty of anecdotal evidence in that women are sharing the video and speaking to the way it rings true to them.
Not scientific, but also impossible to ignore.