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When did it stop being cool, accepted or even just tolerated for men to weep openly?
Especially in light of the recent controversy over a new campaign from razor brand, Gillette, asking men to be better I’m thinking about what it means to be a man and what place emotions have in “manliness.”
I saw the Gillette ad as, at worse an attempt by a corporation to hop on to a social movement; at best it was an invitation to men to call out the bullying and harassing behavior of other men when we see. It is up to men to let other men know when they are going too far.
I did not take it as an attack on men or masculinity, only calling out the worst aspects of masculine behavior, something often referred to toxic masculinity. It got me thinking about history, and I recalled reading this article, The Lost Art of The Manly Weep. It talks about times in ancient history, times of heroic men, where men openly wept and when leaders expressed emotion without fear of judgment or being called a pussy.
…the gender gap in crying seems to be a recent development. Historical and literary evidence suggests that, in the past, not only did men cry in public, but no one saw it as feminine or shameful. In fact, male weeping was regarded as normal in almost every part of the world for most of recorded history.
Sounds like my podcast, Real Men Feel, could have been a big hit with Homer and the other heroes of the Iliad.
It was initially hard for me to see the men offended by the Gillette ad as anything more than choosing to be pro-bullying and harassment, but reading and listening to those men more, I see they feel torn. They don’t know what it is to be a man or what is expected of them anymore. The definition is changing, and most human beings are naturally averse to change. I think expressing or suppressing emotions, crying, and sensitivity are all less hardwired than they are driven by society. And our society has been in a faster and faster pace of change for decades.
The article above seems to back that up. If older societies had a more open-minded view of masculinity, then it can’t only be about biology and men today can’t claim this is all some recent movement against them.
From Greek heroes to the Knights of the Round Table, courageous male leaders and warriors openly expressed emotions. It is our modern society and education system that was out to create unemotional humanoids to work in factories as part of the industrial revolution and fight in wars that stripped men of feeling and created shame around tears.
Encouraging men to be better, inviting men to feel and even to cry openly is not the pussification of men. It is the humanizing of men. I, for one, am all for it.
In case you somehow haven’t seen the Gillette spot, here it is.
If you want to watch a discussion I had with eight other people about the ad, check this out.
Be willing to be more than you’ve been.
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