For Steve Colori, hospitals are an all-too familiar place.
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Editor’s Note: The following article is based on true events experienced by friends of the author.
“The hospital is more like a campus and has tall brick buildings that give it a European feel.” Tom said. “There’s usually a lot of well-dressed people walking around and there’s landscapers and other people. The staff are friendly. There’s a big courtyard with a small fountain where people sit outside in the summers and just eat lunch and relax. In the spring there’s fresh mulch and the grass is usually pretty green.” He let out a breath. “I like it there, it’s pretty nice.”
“What about inside? I’ve never been to a psyche hospital—I’m just wondering,” said Jill.
“It’s different. The administrative building has a lot of hallways and is carpeted and there’s offices for research assistants and doctors,” Tom continued. His chest rose slowly and fell abruptly and he paused momentarily.
“I just wanted to ask because you said, it would be helpful for you,” Jill replied. Waiting for an answer she looked to him. A whipping wind sent a flurry of snow across the frozen pond outside.
♦◊♦
“I know, I know. You’re right,” Tom said. “It is good for me.” Adjusting his posture, he continued. “The inside of the unit I stayed on wasn’t bad at all. The hallways and rooms were well lit and reminded me of a college dorm. Some nice posters and paintings were on the walls and the rec and group therapy rooms were more like a living room than anything else. Plenty of windows too.”
“Were you scared being there?” His eyes widened quickly and returned to normal. She clenched his hand and put her other hand over his. He listened to the beams creak in the blizzard and stared at them. A fine grain defined the wood but it was old and damp and it looked like it was rotting.
“There were times I was a little concerned. Some of the patients were up and down but I thought I was an agent of divinity at the time so I felt I was somehow protected,” he said. “It’s nice what a false sense of security can do for you sometimes.”
Jill laughed and leaned against his arm. She moved back and waited for him to speak.
♦◊♦
“It was mid-Winter and the power went out during an ice storm one night. There was an ominous silence and the hospital staff seemed on edge. Clairvoyance was always debated on the unit.”
“Do you mean from hearing voices?”
“I think that’s one of the reasons. They group you with people who have similar disorders so I was always with schizophrenia-type patients. Ghost stories seemed to float around between some of the staff while we were out for walks and some of the patients believed in ghosts and spirits.”
“That’s … Wow. I don’t know what I would do.”
“It was all right. The staff were very nice and treated us well. I got along well with most of the patients and they were mostly pretty good people. We were all just a little off.”
Another gust of wind whipped across the house and the overhead light in the four-season room flickered. Tom got up and put some logs in the wood stove. He grabbed some old newspapers, placed them under the logs, and started the fire. After doing so he returned to the couch and put a blanket over Jill and himself.
♦◊♦
“One of the women on the unit claimed she was clairvoyant. Magda was her name. She was tall and beautiful and she was married with children. She seemed really peaceful and easy-going. She told me she was at a beach in Rockport one time and she saw the ghosts of Native Americans being massacred by the ghosts of the settlers. I didn’t believe her initially but she commented how she later found out there really was a massacre there years ago.”
“That’s creepy,” Jill said. “I mean, how that happened and all.”
“It makes me wonder. I sometimes think she may have seen a sign for the massacre while walking up to the beach and she subconsciously processed it and then had some hallucinations.
“You seem to have a second opinion though too.”
“Well, I haven’t seen ghosts. I can’t rule it out but I don’t believe in it. I sometimes wish it did exist because it would prove there is an afterlife,” said Tom. “That’s a whole ‘nother matter though.”
“It freaks me out a little. I don’t know what I’d do if I saw a real ghost. It would be so weird.”
“If you’re seeing any ghosts let me know, I’ll give you some meds.” Tom and Jill laughed in relief. He slouched a little.
“Sometimes I wondered when I’d leave. One patient had been there for at least a year and another had been in and out of the hospital for a while too.”
“What were they like?” she asked.
“One guy was named Jeremy. He was 6’4″ three hundred something pounds and about nineteen years old. I caught bits and pieces of conversations and he was at the hospital testing new drugs instead of serving a jail sentence.”
“That’s freaky. Was he scary?”
“Not really. He had some mood swings but he was usually easy going. Nice kid but I guess they figured since his body would eat up the medication.
“It’s better than jail,” she said.
“I can see how you would feel that way.” She clenched his arm.
♦◊♦
“After six days of in-patient I feigned sanity so I could leave.” Tom looked at the blanket and looked back out at the storm. “They let me go three days later.”
“So, you tricked them into letting you leave?”
“I think that was a part of it but they were short on hospital beds. The holidays are usually the toughest times for people like me.”
“Yeah, that makes sense.” Jill brushed her long brown hair behind her shoulders. “What about the other person?”
“She looked like she was in her late sixties. Had thinning, blondish grey hair and was really skinny. Her clothes were old and dirty and always seemed to hang off her. She always wanted to go outside for a cigarette and she shook a little when she spoke or actually when she did pretty much anything.”
“I bet her illness made her that way.”
“I thought that too, or maybe it was just old age. She mentioned how she had stayed at Danvers State but didn’t say much about it. Just said it was terrible and made some brief comments.
“You mean the one from the movies?”
“The one that’s about ten miles from here. I’ve only seen it from the road but it creeps me out. It always has, even before all this.”
“You know there’s apartments and houses up there?” Jill asked.
“Yeah. I remember when they were building them. I was in high school and even then I said how I”d never live there. They knocked down most of the hospital but kept some of it.” Tom stared out the window pensively. “I used to worry I’d be in a situation like hers. She said she’s been in and out of the hospital for years. Psychology used to be horrible.”
“They did some awful things,” Jill continued. “I read a history on Danvers State and they said the asylum was overcrowded. People were in restraints and there were supposedly some strange experiments like lobotomies and exorcisms. 278 people died there in one year.”
“I don’t know how that place existed.”
“I don’t either. At least things are coming around though.”
“Thank God this all happened after Danvers State. It only closed in “92.”
♦◊♦
A shriek from the garage door resonated loudly through the wall as it struggled to lift the small wooden door. Tom twitched and tensed up and sat still. Jill kissed him and they went into the back hallway to greet his parents.
“I hope they have some good news. I think it’s safe to say we’ve outgrown this place.”
“I’m sure your parents will find something nice. They have good taste.” Tom laughed and Jill couldn’t help laughing either.
“I mean, this house wouldn’t be my choice but it seemed to work out,” Jill laughing.
“Yup. And now it’s time to move the hell out. Just gotta hope they choose something better.”
“It’s all right. In about a year you’ll have moved in with me anyways.”
Tom kissed her and she smiled.
His parents stepped through the door and shut it quickly behind them. A cold draft moved through Tom and gave him the chills.
“Hi, Jill! How are you?” asked Tom’s mom.
“I’m good. How did the house searching go?”
“We went to the open house and it was absolutely beautiful.”
“Tom, you wouldn’t believe the view this place has. You can see for miles in every direction. The realtor said you can see Boston and I really could see a little of it,” said his dad.
“Sounds like a stretch,” Tom replied.
“It was but it still has a great view,” his Mom interjected.
“And it has a gym, a swimming pool, and an indoor basketball court.” his Dad continued.
“There’s a lot of other people there. I’m just sick of being so isolated,” said Tom’s mom. “Anyways, it’s pretty exciting.
“Do you have pictures?” Tom asked.
♦◊♦
They looked at the digital pictures. The house was recently built and had a contemporary style. It had an open floor plan with high ceilings and columns, a large living room, three bedrooms, a loft, an art studio, and a finished basement with a bar that also had high ceilings. It looked like a good place to entertain guests.
“Looks great,” Jill said.”It does and it’s well under our budget, which I’m really excited about. But, there’s still one thing we need to talk to you about.”
Tom and Jill went back to the four-season room after having spoken to his parents. The winds had picked up and were howling and the snow was falling faster. Visibility was diminishing as darkness crept up. All the lights were lit but the room it was still dark. About two feet of snow was piled up against the outer glass walls. Their two black cats had worn out the furniture.
“It’s on the grounds of Danvers State. What the hell were they thinking?” Tom asked.
“So you’re gonna tell them no, right?” Jill replied.
♦◊♦
Tom was pacing slowly in front of the couch while Jill was sitting down. He put one foot in front of the other methodically. The floor was made of dark slate laid out in an early seventies design. Once he reached one side of the room he slowly turned around, and went back in the other direction.
“What’s on your mind, Tom?” Jill asked.
“I don’t know. They really seem to love the house. It has a lot of nice things.”
“You shouldn’t feel guilty because the place bothers you.”
“I’ve had a lot of things bother me but I’ve done fine. It’s a good place.”
“So, maybe we can talk about the things that might be bothering you?”
Stopping in front of the glass window Tom drew a picture of a house on a hill in the condensation.
“I don’t like talking about schizophrenia. People don’t know I have it if I don’t tell them.” He stopped. “I don’t wanna be surrounded by my past.”
“The doctor said it would be good for you to talk about it though. Our conversation earlier was pretty good.”
“I know, it was. But I think this would be different. I think it would be hard to tell anyone there I have schizophrenia. Not to mention the constant chattering about the asylum and the patients.” Tom stopped to wipe a piece of dirt off the slate with his foot.
“Maybe, it will be different,” Jill tried.
“Maybe, but I wouldn’t know until I was there. It’s not only the talking but the grounds are creepy. 278 people. There’s a little cemetery at the bottom of the hill where they used to bury patients that I’d have to drive by. Never mind just looking at that damn building. They put apartments inside. So if someone living in the apartments invites me over I’d be in the hospital. I think the gym and basketball court are in there too.”
♦◊♦
“I don’t think I would like that either,” Jill continued. “But, maybe you should just give it a chance.”
“I’m not interested.
“It was your idea to talk about this, don’t get mad at me.
Tom walked over and sat down next to her. “I’m not mad at you. The whole idea just freaks me out.
“Maybe if you go see the place it will change your perception.”
A week later, Tom was sitting in the passenger seat of their white 95 Chevy as he and his Mom drove through the hills and valleys of Route 1. The engine droned loudly as it struggled to climb uphill and whinnied as it coasted downhill. The day was dark and cloudy.
“I heard voices last night,” Tom said.
“What do you think caused them?”
“Maybe it’s this car ride. I’m not sure I wanna live here.”
“You mean just the thought of living here caused you to hear voices?” his mom asked.
“Whenever I’m too stressed I can get symptoms.”
“Are you sure you were hearing voices?”
“I know when I’ve been hearing things.”
The car stopped abruptly at an intersection.
“We don’t have to live here. There’s plenty of other places.”
“I’m leaning towards no but I would still like to see it,” Tom said tremulously.
“We don’t have to see it. If it’s going to because you this much trouble we can just forget the whole thing.”
“I don’t want to rule anything out. I might change my mind.”
♦◊♦
The car continued on and crossed from old route 1 to new Route 1. The turn off the highway was tight because of the snow banks. The car skidded as it turned and the emergency indicator was beeping rapidly. His mom regained control and they continued on.
As they turned uphill onto KirkBride Drive the engine moaned as it made its way between the snow banks which were taller than the car. The road was narrow and winding and was lined with trees that were bare but covered with snow. Their branches were twisted and thin and seemed to stretch towards the road. The trunks were knotted and gnarly. They turned the corner and the road opened up.
Some apartment buildings were in front of Danvers State but the Asylum was all Tom could see. The car approached slowly over the snow covered road and the looming giant grew larger as it became closer. Looking up the Asylum stood about 200 feet tall and was at least one hundred yards wide. It had an old gothic design and was built mostly of brick and the roof was metal. Tall, rectangular windows were spaced evenly on the facade and stone encased each one. Sharp, straight gables with copper-lined edges defined the roof, and towers with conical tops rose towards the grey sky.
They pulled into the semi-circle driveway and parked. Slowly opening the door Tom stepped out. A chill shot down his spine as he looked straight up and could barely see the top of the building. A clock was fixed in the middle of the center tower about one hundred feet above the entrance. The second hand clicked sporadically as it wound its way around. Above it a cement balcony spanned outwards. Tom momentarily pictured himself being trapped there with no escape. He kept looking and saw an old metal weathervane planted at the very top of the tower and the darkness beyond it seemed to be descending.
♦◊♦
“How could they ever build such a place?” Tom asked. “I don’t know.” “I think they should have left it. I don’t know how anyone lives here.”
“It has a bad history,” his Mom said. “We don’t have to live here, Tom. Come Spring time plenty of houses will be on the market.”
Tom looked back towards the road and then at the Asylum. After taking a step forward snow crunched under his boot. “I’d like to go inside.”
“Are you going to be all right?”
‘I’m curious to see it,” Tom said with a tremor. “Have courage,’ he thought.
“What are we going to tell them?”
“Let’s just say, I’m looking for an apartment.”
“Are you sure you’re going to be all right with this?”
“I’d like to try.”
“Umm, okay. Let’s go.”
♦◊♦
They looked both ways and crossed the street. He kicked the snow off his boots and reached for the door latch. Before he grabbed the door, it creaked partially open and remained still. Disbelief ran through Tom’s thoughts. A tenant pulled the door the rest of the way and held it open. Nodding a thank you Tom walked through. He stood staring at the floor and the door clicked shut behind him. After flinching and turning back to look at it he collected himself and began looking around.
The walls were painted light gray on the top and a darker color on the bottom. Crown molding lined the rooms and meshed well with the dark carpeting in the mud room. A lounge was located beyond the entryway. It had white and black checkered tiles, a couple of couches, and high tables. The realtor’s office had two glass doors with large windows behind them which were allowing natural light to flood the room. A realtor got up and walked over to greet them. Tall and lank the realtor, had a military crew cut and small spectacles with even smaller black eyes behind them. He was wearing black pants with a black turtle neck.
♦◊♦
“Hi, I’m Daniel. Welcome to the property. Is there anything I can help you with?”
Standing in silence Tom finally realized he was being spoken to. “Oh, Hi. Um, yes. I’ve recently started looking for apartments and was wondering if there were any units I could see today.”
“Sure, we could show you around. Why don’t you have a seat and we can figure out what you’re looking for and discuss some of the options?”
“Sounds great.” They walked into the office. ”These chairs are pretty comfortable.”
His mom nodded her agreement and they began discussing the apartments.
After taking the tour they shook hands and walked out.
“Everything looked normal. It was modern and completely finished. I liked the apartment and the gym was nice,” Tom said. “I felt more comfortable being inside than out.”
“They did a good job with the renovations,” his Mom replied. “So have you changed your mind?”
“Oh God, no. I’d tear it down the first chance I got.”
Photo Credit: A.Currell/Flickr