I heard a story about a doctor who worked at two large hospitals, and for years, he always woke up at the same time, at 5 am, and came home at the same time at 11 pm, unless there was an emergency.
This routine prevented him from seeing his daughter, who was still a baby. It also hindered him from having quality time with his wife. Despite waiting for him, he often fell asleep, and they ended up not having contact for days. This routine continued for a few years.
One day he found a magazine that told the story of a businessman who had a crazy routine and decided to take a sabbatical; he dropped everything and traveled for one year. His last city was Manaus, right in the heart of the Amazon Forest. The businessman opened an inn. He worked Monday through Thursday. He says that moving to Manaus gave life another meaning.
The doctor thought that magazine was a sign. He said to his wife, let’s go to Manaus; I can’t stand to see our daughter growing up without me being with her.
After a while, they got organized and left with a clear goal; I want to see my daughter grow up. He just hadn’t thought about how he would accomplish it and what paths he would have to take to achieve his goal.
After one year in the new city, he began to feel chest pains during a shift and discovered that he had a heart attack.
There, at that moment, he realized that after a year living in Manaus, he hadn’t picked up his daughter once at school. And he noticed that since the move, he had been working even harder.
It was only at that moment that he realized that the change he was looking for in life, that change that would allow him to pick up his daughter from school, had nothing to do with him moving to another state; the change was not geographical. The change had to come from inside.
We often get distracted looking at the life and success of the other, the friend, the cousin, and we think that if we do the same, we will have a similar life. That our children will behave differently and we will be happy and fulfilled too.
And this has a lot to do with the folk tale from the Desert about how Black Tulip was born.
A famous story tells that the black tulip originated in the drama of a young Persian who had a great love for a young man from her region.
As her love was not reciprocated, the girl fled to the desert when rejected. Desperate, she cried a lot. Legend has it that a black tulip was born everywhere on the sand where a tear fell.
We can have countless moments of disappointment and frustration; running away from them hiding in a desert will not bring a solution, only deep suffering.
Exercising parenthood is not about doing what you imagine to be like others; it’s looking at our life and understanding what makes it up. What you value, what you are and what your children are.
I published this exercise a few days ago and brought it here again. I want you to answer. And try to respond with a few words, as concise as possible, no more than seven words:
1.What was the purpose of the most crucial decision you made regarding work?
2. What was the purpose of the most crucial decision you made regarding your marital relationship?
3. What was the purpose of the most crucial decision you made within your family?
4. What was the purpose of the most crucial decision you made for yourself?
5. What is the most crucial decision you have made in a conflict?
Think. Take your time. If needed, erase all and start over.
The answers to these questions can help you find where you are within yourself. And if you can’t find a concise answer to these questions, you need to find purpose in life.
The primary teaching of Buddhism is the following: put into practice daily in your life the search for understanding and appreciation of your true SELF, which will change your destiny.
This means freeing yourself from thoughts like: “Of course, I am like that, look at my life,” “I can’t grow at work because my boss hates me,” “I can’t be the parent I want to be because my son just screams,” “I can’t be the father or mother I want to be because the nanny didn’t come today.”
Take ownership of who you are. And be whom you want to be.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Mariana Wechsler (Author) We are fortunate enough to have a black tulip in our backyard. Soon she will be born. It is a rare flower, and its flowering and dying process is a cycle of 6 to 11 days. So beautiful and exotic that Alexandre Dumas dedicated a book after her.
