What isn’t allowed?
One guy on r/deadbedrooms described his wife’s list of don’ts.
It was nuts.
DON’T:
- initiate when I’m tired
- initiate when the kids are tired
- initiate when the kids are awake
- initiate when the kids are asleep
- remember, don’t initiate when I’m tired from the kids
- don’t wake me in the morning to initiate
- don’t initiate in the morning when we are busy and I have a lot of things to do
- don’t look at porn
- don’t ask for pictures of me
- don’t text me anything sexual
- don’t grab or slap my ass
- don’t touch my boobs
- don’t ask me to shower with you
- don’t pressure me for sex
- don’t find “opportunities” for sex
“How the hell am I supposed to have sex with my wife?” he asks.
YOU DON’T.
No sex for you unless it’s your own hand. And she probably doesn’t want you to masturbate, either. You might as well get a chastity belt.
Cripes almighty. Is this a classic dead bedroom? Yup. Is it “fixable”? I doubt it. But I’m a cynical realist. I’m more of a “find a lover and get what you need” type.
OR get the fuck out of this relationship.
I don’t give a rat’s ass how embroiled the finances are or how many kids you have…you have one life to live and be HAPPY. If you value sex and intimacy and you aren’t getting it in your marriage, find a solution. Don’t stay miserable. I didn’t. I got out.
You might have more joy alone in a studio apartment than you are married to someone who doesn’t seem to like you very much.
Then, the list of DON’Ts might become a list of DO’s. How wonderful would that be?
…
“You’ve got to learn to leave the table when love’s no longer being served.” Nina Simone.
…
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Markus Spiske on Unsplash
Just curious about the timeline of these “don’ts”. Did they happen all at once? I’d suggest that you give your spouse the opportunity to go to counseling with you, or just for her, to work out her issues about sex and intimacy at first. The reason I suggest that is that if she is resistant, you can look your children in the eye when they are older and tell them you gave as Lincoln put it, the “last full measure of devotion” before you split.