It turns out we’re already in the midst of an app apocalypse.
A dating app’s job is to help you meet people. If you need a bit more guidance, you’re in the wrong app. There are now so many dating apps; sometimes, it’s difficult to tell where you should be meeting people — or if you even want to meet them in the first place.
The apps can also make relationships seem less like something worth waiting for and more like an endless grind of sexting and “Netflix and chill.”
Dating Apps are designed to put a new spin on things by using technology to help you find people who are like you. But apps are making relationships less intimate and meaningful because they replace human contact with algorithmic solutions.
Datin Apps have made it easier for you to connect with someone without leaving your house or stepping out in public, which has helped usher in a more casual approach to meeting people. You can take a picture of yourself, add some text, and send it right to your prospective match’s phone — all without leaving your couch.
There are no awkward small talk moments and no pressure to have a conversation or know anything about the person you’re chatting up. The dating app has no “let’s see where this goes.” If you’re interested, you can click “match.” You’re done.
This approach makes dating apps seem less stressful, but it also means they’ve replaced a real-world interaction with an impersonal experience. If you’re not able to get to know someone before you meet, you might not be attracted to them.
And since we’re living in a time when people spend more time alone than ever, being in a relationship feels like a chore. It’s hard to establish a strong foundation when not meeting people in real life or on dating apps. Many apps make you wait before you can message someone — and if that person isn’t right for you, you’re stuck in limbo. If you try to end the app relationship and move on, you lose your messages. It can be not easy to find someone you actually connect with.
Do you need a serious relationship?
If you are looking for a long-term committed relationship, don’t just settle for a “hookup” app. These apps are not set up for that purpose. Instead, pick a dating app that has a high-quality algorithm designed to match you with people who are compatible in terms of age and sex. If you’re looking to find someone to have casual sex with or just a hookup, you might want to try Grindr or Tinder instead.
How do people get matched in these apps?
Apps tend to rely on a “swipe right/left” algorithm that finds potential matches based on the information they provide in their profile. So if they’ve added a photo, some basic information about themselves (height, weight, etc.), and an optional question (e.g., what’s your dream job?), the app will compare this against every profile it has stored to determine a match. You’ll know whether two profiles have been matched when the app shows you that they’ve both liked you — which usually happens in less than 30 seconds.
How is the Dating app structured?
Because apps are meant to facilitate easy connections, they’re usually designed to fix people looking for a committed relationship quickly. That means apps are likely to be geared towards hookups rather than dating, and you’ll have to wade through many profiles to find the right person.
Apps like Bumble and Tinder, which feature a strictly no-nonsense approach to online dating, require users to send an initial message before they can exchange photos. Bumble allows people to decide if they want to send a photo first, while Tinder lets you pick either option. This method is supposed to make it easier to connect with new people without feeling forced or pressured to do so.
Real Dilemma of Dating Apps
According to Mark Manson, it can still be dangerous to meet people on dating apps.
Manson is a bestselling author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*** and lecturer who runs the popular website, a catchphrase for people fed up with the dating scene.
He says:
“ I think Tinder is a place where many people go who are trying to find something different, or at least a new experience.
And then it becomes a platform on which everyone wants to show off, and where you may be trying to make yourself look interesting.
It’s often an arena of sexual conquest, which we know is generally not healthy.”
Manson says that it is likely that many users of dating apps are not even aware of their potentially damaging effects on relationships.
He found that people who use dating apps are less likely to believe that their partners have similar values and beliefs to themselves.
Manson says:
“We’re increasingly marrying people who are dissimilar, who don’t share our interests, and who are often quite different from ourselves in terms of our values.
If people are using these sites for different reasons — to meet people who are very different, they don’t actually need to have anything in common with them at all.
And if they’re doing it with the idea that they want to create a more interesting and fulfilling relationship, they may just be setting themselves up for a big surprise.”
So why are dating apps so popular?
Manson says that apps like Tinder are a kind of game — you’re using your looks and personality to win over other people.
But what if you’re not interested in games like this, and you don’t really care what people think of you?
The app also promotes bad behavior, Manson says.
Tinder, for example, has been credited with changing the nature of dating, making casual hook-ups possible on smartphones.
But the app is also blamed for promoting bad behavior. A survey last month found that 70 percent of Tinder users were worried about how they were behaving on the app.
He says:
“When people are doing something new and novel, they tend to become bolder. And they’re much more likely to say and do things they might not normally say or do.”
And when it comes to meeting people, Manson says it’s a place where many people go to find something different, or at least a new experience.
He says:
“And then it becomes a platform on which everyone wants to show off, and where you may be trying to make yourself look interesting”
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com
