The problem with that line is that it’s a myth — a myth that I used to believe.
Thinking back on my time in high school, I find myself laughing at how awkward I used to be. I bring up high school because that is when I first started believing the “nice guy” myth. During that time in my life, I thought that the more I agreed with girls, went out my way to do things for them, or told them how much of a nice guy I was, the more they would be interested in me.
As with most “self-proclaimed” nice guys I either stopped being nice (because I never really was) or settled for the friend zone when I got rejected. Even worse I begin to think that I had to be a “bad guy” to get women — enter my so-called thug phase.
Yes, you read that last line correctly! I thought that if I couldn’t get a girlfriend by being nice, maybe I should try being a bad boy. That line of thinking is just wrong.
Think about it, no decent women (the kind of women you should want to date) has ever said “I want to date a guy that doesn’t treat me good or makes me feel bad,” that is just a lie that “nice guys” use as an excuse for why they can’t land a date.
When women say they don’t date “nice guys” they mean that they don’t want to date a guy who isn’t confident. They don’t want to date a guy who lacks the courage to be direct about how he feels and endure getting rejected if she isn’t interested. Women do want to be treated right, they just prefer it to be with a guy who has a backbone — a guy who has confidence.
I have written about how I’ve been working on my confidence before (see Part 1 and Part 2). I also wrote about how once I stopped believing negatives things about myself I started to make (and see) positive changes in my life. Once again, I want to touch on those topics.
If you’re a guy like me who used the “nice guy” excuse before, I want you to try something else. Instead of believing that you have to be someone else to date a woman, spruce up your appearance, work on your body language, make eye contact when you talk to people, and learn to stand by what you say.
I promise you will notice a difference. I certainly did.
I have started to date more. Do I still get rejected? Yes. However, I don’t let that bring me down. Ever since I started working on my confidence, I have learned to accept rejection. As a result, my dating (and career) prospects have improved.
When you ask a woman out, be confident and stand by what you say. If you want to date her, then say so. Be honest, ask her out, and if she rejects you MOVE ON. Do not accept being just her friend if that isn’t what you’re looking for. The only guys who get put (and stay) in the friend zone are the ones who are too afraid to make a move. You might not always get a date, but you will keep yourself out of the friend zone by just being direct about how you feel.
The commonly held lifestyle belief that nice guys finish last isn’t a fact — it is just a myth.
Set aside some time to ask the good men in your life how they landed their girlfriend or wife and you’ll learn that all their stories have one thing in common: it started with them having the backbone to make a move.
While nice guys don’t finish last, people who lack the courage to endure failure will.
Sometimes the truth is a hard pill to swallow. But learning that I needed to grow a pair is some of the best advice I ever received. And, if you’re a “nice guy” you need to swallow that truth pill like I’ve learned to do.
A version of this post was published on BlogWithDarnell and is republished with the author’s permission.
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