The Nihilist’s Guide to New Year’s Resolutions

Never have I been, nor am I now, a nihilist. However, I am intrigued by nihilist convictions (or rather lack thereof) and lifestyle. Given there are very few New Year’s resolutions I have ever adopted and kept, I realize now it has been my approach to the resolution as a nihilist which enabled my commitment to those rare vows I’ve managed to uphold.

First, if you’re thinking and acting like a nihilist, then you don’t believe in such pollyannish efforts. They’re petty, middle-class fixations associated with morality and useless tasks like attempting to “perfect” personal character. Who needs that? Your incredulity provides an appropriate level of detachment for the resolution to succeed.

The next consideration is the timing for adopting a resolution, which is crucial. December is an entire month of occasions for your point of departure (whether it kicking a bad habit or adopting a life affirming one), allowing you chances to “fall off the wagon” without succumbing to feelings of self-inflicted condemnation. Avoid the temptation to plan or anticipate a time or place. Anticipation, I have found, is the poison pill of good intentions (as much as they pave the road to hell). Better to decide in the moment, when the resolution begins.

Another nihilist notion to consider when embracing a resolution means not over-thinking the very action you’re about to take. Dispense from your thoughts all “what ifs” and what nots, or any fleeting aspirations for success. Hope for success taints the process of resolution as much as anticipating its commencement.

Finally, mention the resolution to no one. If you’re a nihilist, you’ve got nothing to prove to anyone; so why shoot off your yapper or post to your social media profile constellation what your New Year’s resolution will be? Besides, no one else really cares. A dyed-in-the-black true nihilist knows that no one cares. Anyway, it also eliminates the possibility of anyone sending useless gestures of pity over your failing resolution.

For the sake of emphasis, the aforementioned steps do not require anyone adopting the tenets of nihilism (as, by definition, they’re aren’t any), however, it is my conviction that the nihilist frame of mind most optimally positions one to succeed at sticking to their New Year’s resolutions.

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Previously Published on Medium

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