The Only Green Flag You Need

Let me tell you an amusing story that made me want to write this piece.

Last week, I bought an internet device, and despite it being box-packed, it wasn’t working. I called the helpline multiple times but met with a brick wall of repeated questions and unsatisfactory responses.

I was so annoyed over it that I did what any adult would do in such a situation; I picked a fight with my partner.

It was obvious that the argument had nothing to do with him and everything to do with my annoyance over the internet connectivity issue and wasted money. But still, I was cherry-picking every negative aspect of what he said in an effort to be there for me and support me.

A few minutes into it, and I am on the verge of ending things. And he goes, “I am not breaking up with you just because your internet isn’t working and you’re frustrated.”

That sentence made me fall in love with him all over again.

Any other person in his place would have been irritated and snapped over how childish my behavior was and how I was taking my frustration out on him, but he recognized that I was coming from a place of emotional turbulence and responded with patience.

And that, my friends, is the only green flag you need in a partner: emotional maturity.

Why Emotional Maturity is the Ultimate Green Flag

Most relationships don’t end due to some giant unresolvable issue; they usually end due to small routine problems accumulated over time.

An emotionally mature partner will tackle everyday issues with immense understanding and empathy.

Emotional maturity can show up in relationships in a lot of ways. Here are a few signs for recognition, but there are many more if you just know what to look out for.

Acceptance of feelings: Be it their own feelings or yours, they are able to recognize and accept a diversity of emotions. They understand human nature to feel all sorts of emotions without labeling them as good or bad and leave room for staying present with such feelings.
Open communication: You cannot build a happy and healthy relationship without open and honest communication; I will die on this hill. An emotionally mature partner understands the necessity of communication, especially during conflicts when it is challenging to talk about hard topics.
Stress management: If your partner has not established healthy stress coping mechanisms, they will probably pour that stress onto you. It is crucial to recognize that a stress-free life is a myth, and the only way you can move forward during hard times is by developing healthy coping mechanisms and techniques.
Setting boundaries: With their family, their friends, and even you. Yes, setting boundaries even with your partner is very important to build a foundation for a wholesome life.
Taking responsibility: Have you ever been in a relationship where every time you raise a concern, it turns into an argument? Yeah, we definitely don’t need that kind of relationship. Emotionally mature people acknowledge the flaws in their behavior and take accountability; they also care enough to address your concerns in a calm and empathetic way and accommodate your feelings where possible.
Optimistic approach towards life: There are going to be innumerable ups and downs in life; you might lose your job out of nowhere, you might get sick unexpectedly, or your dog dies. You can never predict how the next day is going to turn out. But having a positive outlook on life and having the ability to find hope and meaning in difficult times keeps you a lot more uplifted.
Personal growth: This might be the most important sign of emotional maturity: a person who is focused on personal growth, who is open-minded and flexible, and who is willing to work on themselves to become the best version possible.

Chemistry, physical attraction, and the feeling of butterflies in your stomach—all of that sounds magical. However, the only thing that will help a long-term healthy relationship is emotional maturity. It encompasses every aspect of life, be it the big life decisions or what brand of butter to get at the grocery store.

All the green flags are dependent on emotional maturity; without this, you have nothing.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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