The first time we met was at our middle school orientation.
Our family moved a lot as a kid. We were a family of the federal government, which meant picking our asses up every 4 years to a place somehow colder and snowier than the next.
I still remember her that day, how shy she was. Her kind face that hid a deeply troubled person. And I think I’ve always attracted troubled people because we ended up being friends for the next 12 years.
It’s weird to even use the word friends because we weren’t good at it. Besides a few coffee dates, we only hung out when we were around other people. It shouldn’t have surprised me that the moment she was able to get out, she set off without saying goodbye.
No phone call. Not even a text. She’d finally found her next best thing. And when she inevitably comes back, torn down from the bright city lights and busy streets, I’ll still probably take that coffee she’ll buy me. Because despite the fact that I allow people to come back into my life, that doesn’t mean I have to let them stay.
That doesn’t mean I don’t recognize their bullshit patterns.
The problem, for me, isn’t that people leave.
It’s that when they come back, I lean into forgetting and not forgiving. Instead of keeping a measured distance, a thoughtful space, a few feet of personal room to breathe, I lean in just a little too far. I so desperately want things to go back to normal.
Before the facade of who I wanted them to be faded away. Before one of us hurt the other and will inevitably think about it every time we see or talk to each other.
Grudges are unhealthy, I try to say to myself. I think that’s true.
But I guess I’m trying not to lay down on the train tracks anymore. I’m good at putting myself in a position to get hurt and then bitch about them hurting me like I didn’t know exactly what as coming.
I’ve become too aware of how people operate. How our bullshit patterns and habits sabotage the world around us. I stay aware of my own, of course, but I stay aware of theirs too. Because soon enough you can get just a little too comfortable. Sit a little too pretty.
And then the train arrives.
—
Originally published on The Ascent
—
◊♦◊
Here are more ways to become a part of The Good Men Project community:
Request to join our private Facebook Group for Writers—it’s like our virtual newsroom where you connect with editors and other writers about issues and ideas.
Click here to become a Premium Member of The Good Men Project Community. Have access to these benefits:
- Get access to an exclusive “Members Only” Group on Facebook
- Join our Social Interest Groups—weekly calls about topics of interest in today’s world
- View the website with no ads
- Get free access to classes, workshops, and exclusive events
- Be invited to an exclusive weekly “Call with the Publisher” with other Premium Members
- Commenting badge.
Are you stuck on what to write? Sign up for our Writing Prompts emails, you’ll get ideas directly from our editors every Monday and Thursday. If you already have a final draft, then click below to send your post through our submission system.
If you are already working with an editor at GMP, please be sure to name that person. If you are not currently working with a GMP editor, one will be assigned to you.
◊♦◊
Are you a first-time contributor to The Good Men Project? Submit here:
◊♦◊
Have you contributed before and have a Submittable account? Use our Quick Submit link here:
◊♦◊
Do you have previously published work that you would like to syndicate on The Good Men Project? Click here:
Join our exclusive weekly “Call with the Publisher” — where community members are encouraged to discuss the issues of the week, get story ideas, meet other members and get known for their ideas? To get the call-in information, either join as a member or wait until you get a post published with us. Here are some examples of what we talk about on the calls.
Want to learn practical skills about how to be a better Writer, Editor or Platform Builder? Want to be a Rising Star in Media? Want to learn how to Create Social Change? We have classes in all of those areas.
While you’re at it, get connected with our social media:
- To join our Facebook Page, go here.
- To sign up for our email newsletter, go here.
- To follow The Good Men Project on Twitter, go here.
◊♦◊
However, you engage with The Good Men Project—you can help lead this conversation about the changing roles of men in the 21st century. Join us!
◊♦◊
We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.
—
Photo credit: Shutterstock ID 171153017