It Isn’t Youth and It Isn’t Beauty …
One of the topics that seems to continually be discussed on social media (and Medium) is the situation when older men date younger women.
Leonardo DiCaprio is one of the more notorious examples, but there are many situations where this happens and just as many theories why it is the case.
Youth and Beauty are the Traditional Explanations
It is not a secret that younger women are more fertile and are frequently viewed as more attractive.
This makes sense, as aging is real.
Through extensive focus on health and personal discipline, the impacts of aging can be diminished.
However, women face a unique challenge when it comes to aging since there is a fixed window of fertility for women who want children.
In either case, attractiveness is far easier to attain and keep when you are younger. Based on this reality, it seems reasonable that younger women would be selected for their beauty and fertility.
However, youth and beauty aren’t the REAL reason older men like younger women …
Male Insecurity is Another Hypothesis
Now we get to the common social media rants about men selecting younger women because they are insecure and/or want a partner who is less mature and easier to influence.
This may be the case in some situations, but is certainly not universally true. Further, it ignores the fact that people are autonomous individuals who have the right to make their own life decisions.
Any time one group of people gets too preachy about how another group of people chooses to live their lives, it makes me very suspicious.
There are certainly insecure men who seek out younger partners, and there are also perfectly mature men who do the same thing.
All of This Misses the Point
All the TikTok and Instagram rants completely and totally miss the point.
The reason they miss the point is all the same … These discussions all assume that older men have the pick of whomever they want.
This simply isn’t true …
A man can ask a woman out, but there is no guarantee she will accept.
The REAL Reason …
Now that we have brushed aside all the nonsense, we can get to the REAL reason why older men like younger women.
The real reason why older men like younger women is because younger women like older men.
The simple fact of the matter is that attraction can’t be forced, and a man must choose a women who chooses him.
The only way that older men are able to pair with younger women is because there are younger women who are attracted to older men.
There can be dozens to hundreds of different reasons why this is the case, but it still the reality.
Final Thoughts
In the end, relationships that are formed between two autonomous adults isn’t really our business.
It’s tempting to impose expectations or judgment onto people’s decisions, but it is just as wrong for us to impose expectations on other people as for them to impose them onto us.
…
If this story resonated with you, I would truly appreciate buying me a coffee.
Also: They say you can clap up to 50 times. Try it and find out!
Your response is a way of saying “I hear it and I feel it.” 👏😊
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
Does dating ever feel challenging, awkward or frustrating?
Turn Your Dating Life into a WOW! with our new classes and live coaching.
Click here for more info or to buy with special launch pricing!
***
—–
Photo credit: Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash
Oh, please. This is such BS. I am a middle-aged married woman who looks younger, and the decrepit men seeking me out inappropriately (on writer’s groups at Meetup, on Nextdoor, and other sites that are not dating sites) have forced me to change my name and remove my “beautiful” photo. These men were no winners, too.
Guys will generally sleep with anyone. For some unknown reason, women seem to believe that willingness to spend the night or a weekend with one of you is the same as PREFERRING you. It isn’t. Men with enough money, fame, popularity, power to CHOOSE, almost ALWAYS choose young women for wives or LTR girlfriends. The 18-19 year old pop star may marry someone his own age, as might the 25 year old, BUT you don’t see many such men over 30 with women their own age, unless the relationship has been going on for several.years. The basic concept is this… Read more »
In huge part of the world, a man partner is not chosen by women, (sometimes not even by a man but by parents) therefore the argument that „women prefer older men” can’t be true. In those arranged or/and forced marriages the rules is same: a woman have to be young. Very those are girls who are sold to an older man. By the way, women preferences towards men changes with the age in western countries. Your article lacks of deeper thoughts