A celebration of the art of seduction and the rebirth of romance today.
My weekly radio show, Last First Date Radio, is about how to attract and sustain healthy relationships, especially after 40. Every Tuesday at 2:00 PM Eastern, I interview top experts and cutting edge authors. One of my most popular shows was with Zan Perrion, internationally recognized as one of the most original and insightful voices on relationships and seduction in the world today. A regular media commentator, he has been widely featured in the international press. Zan is the founder of the Ars Amorata philosophy–a celebration of the art of seduction, the rebirth of romance today, and a lifelong quest for beauty and adventure. He is also a co-founder of the Amorati network of men. Zan shared his thoughts about what he feels are the biggest problems with relationships today. Below are show notes from the interview, which I hope will be a catalyst for a healthy discussion in the comments about the state of romance today.
The Rebirth of Romance
What is the essence of beauty?
I think we’re missing the concept of beauty on this earth. How can women feel more beautiful? By accessing the feminine spirit, the life-giving nurturing spirit. That’s often missing. Men are saying they don’t know how to be men anymore. So they do what they think is masculine.
They often turn women off by being too weak or too overbearing. Men must stand with both feet on the ground and be centered. Today, men are weak and women are strong. We no longer have rituals of passage of boys to men. We’ve invented a demographic called teenager, which was only invented after WW II. Today we have men who are boys still playing with toys. We don’t have equality, we have sameness. We have a blended amorphous non-polarity in relationships.
How can women change the dynamic with men to create more attraction?
Women have hardened and become jaded in response to societal demands. If they let their guard down and show vulnerability, they feel they are at risk. Men have to step into their masculine and women into their feminine at the same time. Women say they’d give up power for romance.
What makes a woman beautiful to the world and to men?
The quality that’s most attractive to men is the feminine core of a woman. A sense of grace and generosity. A giving spirit. When a man feels that, he wants to give everything to her in return.
What makes a man magnetic to women?
It’s a man who has two qualities: he’s a leader/strong passionate man who knows where he’s going and also a little boy who needs to be taken care of. This appeals to the two sides of a woman: to nurture and take care of him and to be attracted to him. A truly feminine woman gives a man a virtual rebirth.
Why is it so hard for many men to commit?
Men are not actively shirking their commitment duty.
They don’t commit because they haven’t examined themselves and don’t know what they want. Take time daily to be still. Examine your heart – what do I truly want, who am I? If you take the time to pause for even 5 minutes a day, you’ll become more connected to what you want in a relationship and be able to commit to that.
What is the secret to maintaining passion and delight in a relationship?
Curiosity is very attractive. Learn to ask questions of your partner. Say, “help me understand where you are right now.” Curiosity begets curiosity. Bids towards each other are a call for noticing. Pay attention to each other. Don’t make assumptions, ask what’s going on for them.
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What do you think about the state of romance today? Do you agree or disagree with Zan Perrion? Please share your thoughts below.
This article originally appeared in the Last First Date blog.