The Relationship As It Happens. In Real Time.

This story is written in real time, as it happens. The memories are fresh, the days are new.

Day one.

We had some mutual people that we both respected, so meeting you was easy. You were taller than I thought, charmingly handsome, funny. Your eyes, they were kind.

Day Seven.

You fell asleep in my arms. With your baby blue button down and your tired energy from a long days work. We joked about the word stizzy for far too long and quietly kissed while watching weird cartoons on Netflix. There was a level of intimacy that I haven’t really experienced before. It was the safe kind.

We’ve talked every day for the last week. Gotten into conversations that usually take months to dive into. For the first time, I can feel myself being stimulated mentally in a way that hasn’t happened before. I’m being challenged with life decisions that I’ve made up to this point. Why do I do the things I do? Why have I made the decision to be this way? Is it right? Have I been wrong this whole time?

Day 12

I feel like it’s been more than 12 days. We’ve seen each other at least 10 times in these 12 days. It’s weird because it feels like he’s been here. He feels familiar. Like a routine part of my day.

We’ve talked daily. Long phone conversations, hard questions, even harder answers. Spontaneous breakfasts and dinners on the sofa. We shared a love for syrup covered bananas, a love neither of us knew we had.

I’m not sure if it’s the mutual friends that make me trust him, or the fact that he is so himself that I can’t help but fall into him. My guard is up completely, because I don’t want to get hurt like the last few times. But there’s a safe feeling here. There is an expression of pure interest and time. The idea to take it slow, but to be open and accepting to what is.

Day 16

Both of us are waiting for the other shoe to drop.

We’ve spent 3 more full days together. I’ve discovered he’s still on dating apps, but I’m not any more. I was open and honest about that in person. Watched the way he reacted and didn’t ask him to delete his.

Instead of ‘defining the relationship’ I’ve just let him know where I am and where I stand. This leaves the decision in his court. It’s no longer a ‘we’ decision, it’s a ‘him’ decision.

We spent a night together in the metro city not too far from both of our homes and went on a fun dinner and city walking date in the cold. Took some cute pictures of each other and together and drank hot chocolate

A few days later, he came over to my house for dinner and a movie and although the movie was on, we didn’t watch it. Instead we talked about our traumas cuddled some and did some light old fashion making out. It was like I was 17 all over again. As he got ready to go, we had a moment of peace where he stood over me and smiled. I knew this felt right. In that moment at least. I’m in awe of him. He’s in awe of me.

He left my house and within 15 minutes my phone was ringing.

“I couldn’t even go twenty minutes without thinking about you”

I smiled, and we talked until I fell asleep.

Day 18

We’ve had a few conversations in the last few days about exclusivity. Kind of eluded to it in a way that assumes it’s coming soon. Which is nice because of all the dating I’ve done in the last two years this one feels right. This ones feels normal, natural, peaceful. Without feeling overwhelming and anxious. There isn’t a sense of lust or overwhelming love that love-bombing people get you to feel. We have real conversations about what it means to be just us and what that means. It’s refreshing in a way that I haven’t had. I’m not scared to be with him, but I’m not scared to not be with him. I know if it doesn’t work out I’ll be ok.

I’m currently sitting on his feet. Literally. Sitting cross-legged, on his very cold feet while he lays on the sofa and watches an Andrew Shultz stand up while I work and write. He’s wiggling his toes to get a reaction out of my and I can see him out of the corner of my eye watching, waiting to see when I tell him to stop. But I have three pets and 4 brothers so I’m not bothered by unnecessary movement. I thrive in it. But I don’t think he knows that yet.

We’ve spent a lot of time together. We’ve talked a lot. Have had a decent amount of sex but have learned to like each other without it.

Day 27

Yesterday there was a deep conversation about our feelings for each other. Except I was under the influence and he was soberly driving to a party. This was after we had spent a few hours together running errands as a way to see each other for the first time in a week.

We talked daily over the week of no physical contact. Texted often and there was even a phone conversation on Christmas.

I’m a real in-the-house type of person and he’s shown me that he is too. But his friends aren’t and he spends a lot of time with them. I like that. I didn’t think I would but this is when I found myself comparing my feelings towards his extra curriculars, towards my ex-husband’s-to-be. When he and I broke up, he said I stopped him from spending time with his friends and isolated him. This was an obvious projection because in my twenties, my social life was thriving.

Almost boyfriend has a consistent social life and still manages to see me a few times a week, I’m an obvious priority for him and even though there are some minor pink flags that I’m starting to pay attention to, a lot of these things can be worked through and talked about.

I enjoy the fact that he has a social life. It gives us something to talk about. Ex-husband-to-be and I ended up having nothing exciting to share so our conversations got dull.

I’m consistently finding things I like about him and it’s reciprocated. Our last phone conversation, he complimented my intellect instead of my looks.

You’re intelligent. I love that. I like that you read, that you write, that you’re into things that aren’t TV.

Before I can say thank you he cracks a joke to make me laugh. Although the joke was at his expense, it allowed me to correct him in a way that boosted his self esteem, which I’ve realized he needs. He’s a handsome man with mild insecurities. He doesn’t talk about them, but he has them, and I see them.

At this point, things will either fizzle or become more serious. I decided to write about our journey until he either becomes my boyfriend, or we stop talking all together. I guess we’ll find out soon which it will be.

Day 31

He claimed to have an awful day. His car got stolen (normal for our area) and a few other family related things including some mild Baby-Mama drama. There were three days that he “rain-checked” me because of all of the unfortunate things that just kept happening. At first I cared, because I thought it had something to do with him and me. It didn’t.

I have to work on being more secure in my relationships.

When I realized it had nothing to do with me, and he called me and said he just wants to spend time with me and do nothing and just be in the presence of us, I knew that not only was he falling for me like I was falling for him, but I liked it.

So for the last 24 hours it was just him and I, a few stand-up specials, burritos, and weed. And it was perfect.

Day 35

We’ve spent the last three days together, went to the gym. Made food together. Smoked, ran in the rain. Cuddled on the couch. Had the conversations.

The conversation I took most from this was the conversation about him being on apps and dating other people. He’s not anymore. He said the app is still on his phone, but he hasn’t thought about it. I wonder how much of that is true.

He had to go home. To his own life, his own friends, his own space. But I learned that I like him here. In my space. It’s nice to have someone you can just laugh and be yourself with.

He’s starting to feel like home.

Day 37

We had a category 5 storm, which to some — isn’t much. But we live in sunny California. So we’re flooded in our homes and we decided to run the flood out together. I think it was a sub-conscience decision because we didn’t really talk about it. Just sort of did it.

I’m learning a lot about him. I’m learning the type of partner he needs. He doesn’t need a mother, but he likes to be taken care of. As independent and self-sufficient person, I tend to be more on the do-it-myself side of life. I get called maternal a lot.

At this point, if someone asked me what we are and what our title is, I’d say he’s my boyfriend. But he hasn’t asked me yet to be that person to him. I wonder what the wait is.

Day 39

I got a call at 2:30 in the morning, he was drunk and wanted to see me. I answered because I was asleep and didn’t look at the number.

Come on over, let yourself in.

I have the type of door that has a code and I gave him a code I control somewhere around day 33.

The 3 am wake up call I got was mildly annoying and sweet at the same time. He was clearly drunk. I don’t know how he got to my house, but he didn’t have keys so he didn’t drive.

I want you to be mine. I told a girl at the bar tonight that I was a taken man.

I know these are drunk words, but aren’t drunk words sober thoughts? There was nothing open within 5 miles of my house so after he drunkenly begged me for food I made him fried rice and gave him lemon water and advil so when he wakes up, the hangover isn’t so bad.

Thank you for taking care of me.

I wasn’t sure what we were at this point, but I know it’s a little more than a situation and a little less than a full on relationship.