The Right Time for a First Kiss?

Some women never kiss on a first date.

Some women have kissed every guy they’ve ever gone out with.

Many of us fall somewhere in between.

It can be a play-by-ear type of situation. A lot of people will physically go as far as is comfortable for them at the moment. Others are more calculated, more “by the book,” when it comes to how they interact with others.

While it is an individual decision for each couple, here are some things to consider when it comes to determining the right time in a relationship to introduce any form of physical affection.

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What does it mean to you?

So often we spend so much time worrying about technicalities that we don’t spend any time reflecting on the meaning behind our actions.

So, what does a kiss mean to you?

In a world where kisses are watered down to be like “nothing more than a handshake,” have you ever stopped to think about what your kisses are worth?

Is it a way to communicate love and affection? Is it an attempt at gaining physical gratification for yourself? Is it a way to say “thanks for dinner”? Is it a distraction from boredom on a date or running out of things to talk about?

The intention behind our actions often matters a lot more than the actions themselves. Pure intentions generally lead to positive results. Selfish intentions cause more trouble than they’re worth.

Before you kiss someone new, it’s important that you are able to answer that question for yourself.

Are you and your partner on the same page?

What does a kiss mean to your partner? Do you both agree on the emotional implications? Is one party more reserved (or more eager) than the other?

While everyone is different, it is important to respect other people’s boundaries and acknowledge that not everyone places the same amount of weight on things as you do. That said, it is also important to be aware of the needs of your partner.

For some, physical touch is their primary love language, and without it, a person may find it hard to feel loved. Lack of touch may leave them questioning whether or not they are attractive, or whether or not the other person truly likes them.

For others, physical touch is not their primary way of communicating affection, so it doesn’t come as naturally. Sometimes, these differences are not malicious, but a result of two people having different love languages.

Either way, it takes two to tango. Both partners have to agree on how and when to introduce new forms of physical affection into the relationship.

Does it accurately reflect the reality of your relationship?

Plenty will disagree with me on this one, but the way you communicate physically should reflect the reality of your relationship.

It is usually the lack of consistency that leads to broken hearts.

When your bodies move faster than your emotional and spiritual connection, it can be all the more difficult to evaluate the relationship with a level head.

While this doesn’t necessarily mean you are in an unhealthy relationship, it is important that you move through its stages with prudence and intentionality.

My recommendation? Save kissing for an official boyfriend or girlfriend, and wait until it happens as a natural result of your emotional bond.

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