I’m human. I have emotions, the whole spectrum.
Humans need emotions to survive.
I don’t know about you, but I was developed to believe how being too emotional equals being a complete sissy. I used to put all of my power in avoiding emotions like anger, sadness, envy, jealousy or rage.
It’s a full-time job.
I almost dug my own pit right there. Eventually, I’ve had enough, asked for help and went to a psychodrama group session.
Next, I found a therapist who felt right and spent four years attending acting classes.
Turns out, the only way for me to avoid being too emotional is actually being too emotional.
We can train ourselves to master our emotions and then influence our emotional outcome.
Here are the notes I took along the way:
Acknowledgment comes first.
I used to shut myself down when any emotion would rise. No matter how pleasant or unpleasant they felt, I used to unplug myself.
To conquer this mechanism, I tweaked my mindset with a simple parallel to working in the hospitality industry.
When guests arrive, I know I have to take care of them. Acknowledge them, become a perfect host. I won’t shut the door in their faces. I’ll treat them like I would treat Jackie O. I’ll hang out with them.
The same goes for emotions.
The more you do this, the more you’ll be flexible, spontaneous and free to direct your future behavior.
Give up on suppressing.
Don’t try to suppress emotions by any means.
It only stores them for a while, but then they start to grow exponentially.
Emotions are like a catapult.
The more you pull them back, the more they’ll fly out.
Get comfortable feeling uncomfortable emotions.
Don’t judge yourself when you’re angry, sad, jealous, envious or anxious. Be ready. Expect them to arrive. It’s impossible not to experience them almost every day.
The world is a beautiful place. On the other hand, it’s a gigantic shithole.
Get ready for the shit to hit.
If you never got to express your anger or any other emotion in fullness, make sure you do it in a safe environment like in the middle of a good therapy session.
At first, this scared my pants of. Eventually, I started liking it. It felt like I got back a ton of hijacked energy, sharpness and focus.
Start to live with the emotions like they’re your kids.
I learned this from Jeff Foster. He spoke about emotions like they are kids in the park.
If an angry kid comes to you in a park while you’re sipping your latte, you’re not gonna slap him in the face, right? You’re not going to squeeze his throat until he dies. You’ll not end up in an argument with the kiddo.
You’ll try to understand why it’s angry and find a way to comfort him.
Get curious about their deeper message.
Those who master emotions, use them in their own advantage. It has been said that our intuition speaks in a silent tiny voice. Anger is a voice, too. It can be a perfectly accurate symptom of injustice. Or a fuel to give more when you exercise or when your boss underestimates you.
Sadness can mean you’re in the middle of a detox and letting go of some trauma from the past. Also, it can announce a new phase in our lives.
Envy can mean you have something to learn from the person who makes you feel it.
Anxiety can signal how you’re out of balance in some category of your life. Maybe you need to work out more or change your diet.
Frustration could mean you need to learn how to ask for a raise or practice listening instead of talking all the time.
There are no strictly good or bad emotions.
They are like messages and we’re like the cipher machines. How we decipher these messages directly influences how we create our reality.
Call your own action and cut.
Slowly, you build your emotional hospitality towards mastery. It’s your call now.
Your emotions are your own responsibility and you know it’s up to you how to make the best of them in the real world.
You’re about to reach the point where you can put yourself in a state of stillness and observe your emotions without the need to react or cling on them like a baby koala onto his mom.
You see them while they perform their thing and decide how to carry them. It’s the freedom of your choice what to do next. You become like a trained actor, emotions are your tools and you use them for good. You create magic and people can feel your mastery.
You learn how to let go.
When it’s action, you do the action part. When it’s time to cut, you cut. You’re your own director now.
You know you’re triggered by something right away and you don’t make big decisions at that point. If you choose not to cling on it, you know it’s ok, and it will pass.
You’re so confident that you’re not afraid of somebody seeing a glimpse of a tear in your eye. It’s the life inside of you.
If I want to cry alone, I go somewhere, cry and sing a tune while I’m doing it.
If I need to get my anger out, it is me who chooses if it’s going to be in your face or inside of my closet.
Or I go and do 100 push-ups in my room.
Take full control.
Next level up is you taking control of every aspect of your life (implementing habits, designing environment, cultivating loving relationships, doing the work which makes you fulfilled) to produce the ideal emotional outcome.
It will not eliminate stress, fear, frustration but you’ll know how to navigate them at this point.
Your day is designed to trigger your peak state.
I chose to spend the last six months in a pretty isolated summer house on the coast with my girlfriend and our dog. We’re immersed in nature there. I knew this would basically trigger more peace and clarity in my life.
We knew we’ll create time there to build upon all aspects of our relationship even more and produce happiness, relaxed states, and creativity.
Let’s wrap it up
This is all I know for now:
· What I considered BAD emotions were actually the GOOD GUYS
· You can get better at mastering them and becoming their DADDY
· It’s one of the biggest challenges in life but it’s worth it
I’m exploring this subject for the last ten years and I’m just a rookie.
It’s the best decision I’ve ever made, after asking my girlfriend out.
If you’re up for this, make the first move and never look back.
You won’t regret it.
A version of this post was previously published on Medium and is republished here with permission from the author.
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