The Science of Clicking: How Response Time During Conversation Influences Connection

Science has finally confirmed something I have always had an inkling to be true.

And that is the faster you and your conversation partner respond to each other, the more connected you will both feel.

We have all had experiences whereby our conversation effortlessly flows — no awkward silences or brisk glances at the clock and door while mentally plotting a quick exit. Every new conversation thread seems to open up endless possibilities. One hour turns to two and then to four; time seems to stop existing.

Being able to click with someone doesn’t happen often.

But in the few instances, it does happen, it’s nothing short of amazing.

A recent study conducted by Dartmouth College discovered that “clicking” or connecting with someone can be predicted by “response times” in conversation.

“Response times” refers to the gap (or time) between when one person stops talking and another begins.

According to one of the authors of the study, Emma M. Templeton, a graduate student in psychological and brain sciences:

“Our results show that the faster people respond to each other, the more connected they feel.”

Research methodology

The research comprised of three studies. The first measured response times between strangers. Here, 66 participants took part in 10 conversations, each with a different same-gender partner. Researchers recorded the interaction and then asked all participants to rate how connected they felt during the video playback.

The second study was pretty much a replication of the first. The only difference was that participants were instructed to have similar conversations with their close friends instead.

Both studies showed similar results: feelings of connectedness correlated with faster response times.

For the third study, researchers had online respondents listen to the original audio from the first study. But this time, they artificially manipulated the response times to appear faster or slower. The goal was to determine if a stranger could infer if two people clicked just by listening to their conversation. The results showed that even outside observers were just as able to tell if two people connected based on the shorter gaps in conversation.

What makes response time special?

It’s well known among conversation analysts that the average conversation has a quarter of a second lull between turns.

A lot goes on when two or more people communicate with each other. We observe, absorb, articulate ideas, and formulate a response — all while actively observing body language cues. And the entire process transpires subconsciously faster than an eye can blink.

When we start closing the half a second gap, higher levels of concentration and attentiveness are required to keep up with the conversation. In essence, the more involved you are with what’s being said, the more likely you are to respond quickly. Though, the degree to which you feel connected depends on how fast the other person responds to you. The speed by which you respond to them matters less. So what this means is that if you respond quickly while your conversation partner responds slowly, you will not feel a deeper sense of connection.

There were a few cases where the researchers discovered a small group of people they termed “super connectors”. These are people with a natural ability to respond rapidly to everyone, instilling feelings of deep connection wherever they happen to go.

I’m sure some of you might be wondering, why not just mimic super connectors and gain the same effect?

Unfortunately, “connection” is not something easily faked. It has to be authentic.

Responding “quickly” requires a deeper understanding of the person you are talking to, where they are coming from, and where they intend to go. For most people, being able to read others in this way requires time to learn about the person. Only then can we achieve a seamless conversational flow.

Closing thoughts

While this set of studies shows how responding quickly can make us feel connected, they don’t necessarily tell us the entire story.

Building a connection with someone goes beyond how fast or slow you respond.

It’s about having meaningful conversations with each other, being inquisitive, showing empathy, and, more importantly, being a good active listener.

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Previously Published on medium

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