The Silent Pain of Not Belonging

I often find myself standing far behind when it comes to building relationships.
I have very few relationships, or maybe I don’t have them at all.
Whether it is strong friendship or being someone’s favourite at home —
I am nowhere close to that.

In childhood, people used to say that I did not like being around others.
That line was always said in a very negative way, as if something was wrong with me.
Since then, I have always blamed myself for not being able to build relationships.
Maybe there is something lacking in me.
Maybe no one can trust me.
Maybe I am simply not worthy of that place in someone’s life.

I often fail at relationships because of my straightforward nature —
I say things the way they are.
People don’t want to hear the truth, but I never spoke after deciding
who is mine and who is not.
I only saw what was right and what was wrong.

Seeing my behaviour, One day my mother Said to me.
She said, “Even if you feel your siblings are wrong,
you still have to stand with them, always.
Because they are your own.
You can’t say they are wrong, even if they are.”

But that never settled in my mind.
Somehow, because of this, I became the “bad one” for everyone.
But never for myself.

I love my people deeply —
especially my siblings.
But there’s one thing they still don’t understand:
I cannot accept what is wrong.

Do you ever feel the same?
If yes, please share.
It would genuinely mean something to me to know that someone else sees the world the way I do.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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Photo credit: James Forbes On Unsplash