Joanna Schroeder explains exactly why you shouldn’t ask a woman for her number.
And no, I don’t know what it’s like to be a guy looking for women to date. But I do know what it’s like to be the girl that is asked out by a wide variety of guys, in a wide variety of ways.
And I want to tell you what worked. Insider scoop. Just me and you (all of you).
So here is a quick history of how I met and was asked out by some of the fellas in my past and whether it worked or whether it failed. And what I learned:
John: When I met John, he was working in a shoe store and was just about the funniest man I’d ever known. He wasn’t a classically handsome man, but there was instant chemistry and I thought he was so cute.
When I went to leave the store, he stopped me and gave me one of the store business cards. Scrawled on it was his cell phone number. “For shoe emergencies,” he wrote. I hadn’t even bought a pair of shoes.
Outcome: Success. We dated for eight months and split up on good terms. We just had different goals.
Adam: I was in a bar when I met Adam. He caught my eye, smiled and walked near me. Then he stood next to me but never said hello. Finally, I said hi and we chatted. His eyes kept darting around the room. Then he disappeared into the entry alcove of the bar, curled over his cell phone for ten minutes.
When he came back, he asked for my number. I thought maybe I liked him, but he made me a little uncomfortable, too. I didn’t know what to say. He looked at me until finally, under some weird pressure, I gave it to him. He called the next day.
Outcome: Failure. We never went out. His approach creeped me out and I hated that I felt pressured to give him my digits. I avoided picking up the phone for any local number I didn’t recognize.
Dex: This guy was my secret admirer.
It’s actually kind of a romantic story. One day I received a note saying I had captured his attention during a conversation we’d recently had. He said I knew him as a customer (I worked in a men’s shop), but he didn’t want to reveal who he was. He signed the note “Dex”.
A few months later, I received a mailing tube with a bow on it at the store where I worked. A note explained that he’d seen this poster and thought of me, because of my favorite old movie. He still didn’t want me to know who he was… but would reveal in time.
I opened the tube, and it was the original movie poster for The Philadelphia Story starring Katharine Hepburn. I scanned my memory for days, trying to remember whom I’d discussed this with in the last six months… I couldn’t remember! The name “Dex” came into focus… That’s Cary Grant’s name in the film!
Outcome: Failure. I probably would’ve gone out with Dex, but the guy took too long! He finally called me at the store a few months later, if I can remember correctly. His voice seemed a little familiar, but by that time, I was already in a relationship with my husband – one that had started out fast and grown like wildfire. I had to say no to Dex’s request to finally meet in person. He was just too late.
Ivan: Another guy I met in the store I worked at, Ivan is the guy I married. He came in the first weekend we’d opened a brand new location, and my friend Misti told me “that guy’s vibing you!” … He was. And I found him really attractive!
But he never asked me out. He just kept coming back to the store and hanging out for a few minutes, chatting with me and the women I worked with. He had asked if I was single. I was.
Finally, one day, he said that if I wanted to see the new movie we’d been discussing (Old School, it turns out), he’d love to tag along. He wrote down his name and number on a card. I put it into my pocket immediately.
I called him the next day.
We moved in together a month later.
I was pregnant (on purpose) with our oldest son three months after that.
That was more than 11 years ago.
These are just a few illustrations of the ways things can go right and go wrong when you’re asking out a woman.
But one thing remains true, for me at least.
You’ve got to give a woman your number. And don’t ask for hers.
Of course, if she offers her number without you asking… well, that’s just all the better!
Asking for hers puts her in the position of having to say “yes” or “no” and she might not want to hurt your feelings. If you give her your number, yes, you run the risk of her not calling. But isn’t that better than getting her number by pressuring her, and then wondering if she’s wishing you’d never called her?
But don’t wait too long after getting to know her…
Also read: 5 Ways Men Are Wrong About What Women Want
photo: flickr/Andrey Maximov