The Single Most “You’ll Understand It When You’re Older” Thing

We all heard this saying a lot as kids. Especially for me, I heard a lot of this.

“You’ll understand it when you’re older.”

Because I heard it so much as a kid, it might as well have been the unsaid eleventh rule. For my guardian — It was a common way to end a chat that got too close to talking about complicated things in life that my young mind was meant to not understand.

Furthermore, assuming there’s one idea that encapsulates this expression deeply:

“Just because need something doesn’t mean you merit it. What’s more, just because deserve something doesn’t mean you’ll get it.”

People continued to tell me “Life’s unreasonable” as though that were an enormous justification for why I was unable to get what I needed. I stepped on my feet and held my hands out of frustration. Most of the time, it was annoying because I knew there was some truth in that annoying saying.

And even though I didn’t want to accept it when I was younger, growing up has only made it truer.

The Reality Check

How about we make quick work of it?

It’s as normal to want something as it is to breathe. We want things from the moment we are born, like food, safety, attention, toys, happiness, love, and so on. As we get older, our wants and needs become more complex and linked to our hopes and dreams.

But here’s the catch: just because we want something doesn’t mean the world has to give it to us. There’s a lot of talk around that says “You can do anything if you want it enough,” which makes it hard to accept.

The other side of the coin is that people deserve something. This is where things get tough. When we deserve something, it means that we deserve it because of our efforts, traits, or pain. The idea that the world has some kind of moral accounting system where good things happen to people who “deserve” them is a comfortable one. Yet, life, being so unexpected, doesn’t always agree with this idea.

In simple words, If I say, The Just-world Hypothesis is just a hypothesis with nothing to do with the real world.

Like You know? How often have we seen someone who works hard and has a good heart get passed over, a loyal partner get cheated on, or someone who deserves it lose to someone who doesn’t?

“Life’s not fair” is a very wise thing to say, even though it was annoying to hear. It’s an overview of how random and unpredictable life is. It teaches us to be strong, to be able to get back up after being let down or wronged. They are telling you not to take things lying down but to work harder, smarter, and more determined.

But again here’s the catch: realizing that life isn’t fair doesn’t mean giving up and letting it happen. It’s more about seeing the playing area and figuring out how to get around it.

Instead of focusing only on the end goal.

It’s about finding happiness and satisfaction in the process. We shouldn’t judge our worth by what we haven’t done or achieved. Instead, we should value what we have, who we are, and what we’ve done.

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Psychologically speaking.

Realizing that having doesn’t mean you deserve something and that getting something doesn’t mean you’ll get it is a big step forward. It has to do with the idea of delayed satisfaction.

which means being able to fight the urge to get a prize right away and wait for one later. This skill is very important for success in life, According to me ya know?

And it is as shown by studies like the famous Stanford marshmallow experiment.

Ohkiee. Let me tell You about this experiment.

Walter Mischel, a psychologist at Stanford University in the late 1960s and early 1970s, did the Stanford marshmallow experiment. It helps explain Idiea of delayed satisfaction, resolve, and the idea that wanting or earning something does not mean you will get it.

For the trial, the kids were led into a room with no other things going on and a marshmallow on the table. The kids can eat the marshmallow right away or wait 15 minutes for another one. The researcher left the room, leaving the child to deal with temptation on his or her own.

This experiment wasn’t just with marshmallows. Self-control and waiting to get what you want were put to the test. At times, the experts kept an eye on the people and found some interesting things.

Those who could wait longer for the second marshmallow tended to have better life outcomes, as measured by SAT scores, educational attainment, body mass index (BMI), and other life measures.

In simple words. This experiment shows that requests made now don’t always pay off in the long run. Like the kids who waited. It shows that accepting life’s unfairness can help you grow as a person, make you stronger, and give you bigger benefits. This shows the idea that the results of life might not be what we want or expect right now.

The Experiments also emphasize emotional intelligence, notably in managing expectations and losses. Building resilience—the mental power to handle life’s ups and downs—is key.

So, how do we accept this world that seems so bad? To begin, by realizing that life is full of chances even though it’s not fair. It’s about changing our focus from what we don’t have to what we can make, do, and give.

It means putting our attention on the things we can control, like our efforts and deeds.

Second, it has to do with kindness and understanding. Realizing that everyone is going through their problem. often caused by the same unfairness, can help people feel like they are part of a group and get support.

It means being there for others, giving a hand, and saying something positive. Remember that we’re all in this together.

And Finally, it’s about finding fun in how silly everything is. Sometimes, the best way to fight back against life’s unfairness is to laugh it off. So we can ease our stress, and find happiness in the middle of chaos. And remember that life is beautiful even when it’s not fair.

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I hope you enjoyed the read. If you like this then subscribe to my medium Newsletter.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

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