I bet you didn’t think of it this way.
Arguments happen when you’re unable to hold back your feelings. The emotions burst out of your body. Fast heart rate, loud tones, anger, and lots of frustration.
Don’t wait so long. Don’t lock your feelings behind a dam waiting for the day they break free.
If it is on your mind for 48 hours, it is worth sharing with your partner.
You have rationalized your thoughts. Your partner is calm, so they can notice you put effort into your arguments. Conflict-causing discussions are worth having early to avoid blow-out fights.
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Start gentle arguments
Long-term relationship
Joseph Puglisi, therapist and CEO of Dating Iconic. “Couples should approach the matter by respectfully talking about their feelings, how they feel jealous, what exactly they are jealous of, and how to scale through those feelings. Couples ought to talk or argue reasonably about how they each manage money and expenses. Couples ought to discuss chores and household responsibilities especially if one is dissatisfied.” — Best Life
You are not waiting until triggered or frustrated to fight about the matter. Nope. It’s preventative damage control. You speak your mind. So, you aren’t sheepish or clueless about each other’s feelings later.
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Marriage
“According to Ketan Parmar, MD, psychiatrist, and mental health expert at ClinicSpots, this might look like discussing when you want to get married, whether or not you want kids, where you’d like to live, how you see your life in 10 years, and so on.” — Best Life
A post-it note. That’s what the discussion feels like. You don’t have to set hard limits; be made aware if both of you have similar goals.
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Kids
“This includes things like whether or not you want children, how you plan to raise them, and what role your parents or in-laws will play in your lives. Discuss these topics can help couples resolve any potential disagreements down the road, says Megan Harrison, LMFT, and owner of Couples Candy.”— Best Life
Clarity about future parenting and relationship lifestyles?
It ensures you are a unified team if someone presents a different idea. Open dialog clears the mystery surrounding your partner. Dodge the bullets of random fights in the future.
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Photo by iStockPhoto.com
Early communication
Early communication is the secret to your grandparent’s smoldering, never-grow-old love.
You cannot play one against the other.
It’s like they are in sync. Your grandparents understand each other and the expectations placed on one another. It is also why their “fights” are less aggressive and toxic.
Attitudes after quarrels lighten up fast. And looking on at the argument, it seems more playful, not intense, somehow.
These benefits of early communication led to two statistics associated with lasting love.
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The Statistics of Lasting Love
The 5:1 Theory
Healthy couples have a 5:1 ratio of compliments compared to negative comments. For every complaint, there are five positive interactions between a couple–“Thank you,” “Please,” “I’m sorry,” “You are welcome,” “May I help you?” “You look beautiful,” “I love you,” “I forgive you,” “Will you forgive me?” or “Help me understand what you think.”
The 9/10 Theory
Healthy couples also respond to their spouse 9 out of every 10 times in which their spouse makes a request for their attention. Almost without fail, if a husband or wife desires to share an idea, point out a story, tell about their day, communicate an opinion, or have a shared experience, a spouse in a healthy relationship will gladly give their spouse their attention. They won’t do it every time, but they will do it 9 out of ten times.
Resolve issues before your feelings boil over.
It allows you to fight fewer times and stay coordinal when arguing.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com