Many really smart people have researched this question of whether certain personality types are more prone to infidelity but many ordinary folks like me, think that if there really are such people that are prone to cheat by default then, the smart money can only ever be on the extroverts rather than introverts with their shy and reserved nature.
We believe this because introverts always appear too internally focused, they need a lot of alone time and space to recharge, and they usually like to keep to themselves or just stay home most of the time. These seem like the perfect qualities of loyal, dedicated partners with no propensity for casual betrayal at all. Or so we think.
Their opposites, on the other hand, seem like the natural-born cheaters because they are always putting themselves out there and establishing endless connections which, of course, we naturally translate as more opportunities to cheat. Extroverts are also deemed more prone to flings because they can be impulsive thrill seekers and as such can easily give in to temptations.
Science seems to back this conclusion as well because there is research that indicates extroverts, especially the highly extroverted, are more likely to cheat. Although on the flipside their partners, be they fellow extroverts or introverts, are also more likely to return the favor.
Why Do Introverts Cheat?
- Introverts, like most other people, are quite capable of having deep desires and exhibiting great passion, and, unfortunately, if for some reason they are unable to share them with their main partners it leads to a lot of negative emotions like feelings of frustration, resentment, or anger. So under those circumstances should the opportunity present itself, they may be inclined to freely share those passions with someone else.
- Many also say that introverts cheat because they lack the energy or motivation to maintain relationships, but this is not always the case. Even in relationships, introverts may feel lonely and they can feel overwhelmed or feel like they are not allowed to be their authentic selves. In such situations, they will likely accept connections with, or seek out other people with whom they can be their real selves.
- When they may feel like they don’t have the energy or motivation to put in the same level of effort as their partner is doing, resorting to starting side relationships just to feel connected and engaged on a level that they are comfortable with can seem like a viable option to take.
- Another reason introverts cheat is because they are more likely to go along with “poaching” attempts by third parties. From their research scientist from the University of South Alabama concluded that although outgoing personalities were like to to get more attempts being around people more, it was the ‘socially passive’ introverts that were more likely to give in to those attempts.
Why do they get cheated on?
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Introverts can be moody and withdrawn and when they are like that, it becomes really difficult for them to be present and engaged in the relationship enough to meet their partner’s needs. According to experts, it is these traits when taken to extremes that end up making their partners more likely to cheat.
“It turns out that neuroticism, which is marked by excessive sadness, moodiness, and emotional instability, is positively associated with overall sexual dissatisfaction in relationships, negative emotions, and sexual dysfunction. Being high in this trait doesn’t predict a person will cheat. However, partners of people high in neuroticism are actually more likely to cheat.”
But who Cheats more between extroverts and introverts?
Anyone can cheat but in the final analysis, the experts say it’s the extroverts that take this one. Simply because they are by their nature are more likely to be sexually active and more willing to take sexual risks which means they will be more prone to violating any romantic exclusivity agreements.
“When it comes to the cheating game, introverts play the hardest!”
These are “words of wisdom” a friend of mine (who has been cheated on by introverts) never fails to drop whenever the topic of infidelity comes up. In his case, the two women in question were shy and sort of emotionally dependant on him and so he thought if he just “kept up his end of the bargain” they would live happily ever after. Although in retrospect he also speculates that perhaps it hit him so hard when they cheated because he ignored all the signs and so never saw it coming. Twice.
In his case, the two women in question were shy and sort of emotionally dependant on him so he thought if he just “kept up his end of the bargain” they would live happily ever after.
However, I believe cheating is really always about the circumstances and the character of the unique individuals involved. Regardless of personality type it is important is for the cheater to realize their behavior is probably causing their partner a lot of pain and confusion. They need to be honest about whether they wish the relationship to continue and if so be willing to put in the work required starting with a sincere, expression of remorse and desire to continue faithfully.
Relationships have survived cheating with some said to emerge even stronger after having gone through the process of recovery but it doesn’t happen overnight and it takes willingness by both partners to continue, time, commitment to the process, and of course, to each other.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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