The Terrifying and Vindicating Sight of Narcissistic Collapse

Recently, I was watching a YouTube documentary about John List. For those not in the know, John List is one of New Jersey’s most notorious mass murderers.

In the 1970s, List was a successful banker who had a wealthy family, community, and respect. He went to church on a regular basis and grew up to be the perfect Mr. Joe American that people wanted him to be. It was a great life.

That was, it all was great until he got laid off from his bank. He went home and killed his entire family, including his mother-in-law. Then, he hid for decades until police tracked him down.

When he was caught, he didn’t admit to being John List for years. He only admitted it when he was charged. This, my friends, is what an extreme example of narcissistic collapse is like.

What is narcissistic collapse?

Photo by Guilherme Petri on Unsplash

In order to understand what narcissistic collapse is, you have to understand what narcissists can’t stand. Narcissists are people who need to be held in high regard by everyone — primarily because their self-esteem is extremely low. They don’t actually have confidence, even if it appears they do.

A narcissist feeds off praise because they cannot stand on their own. They need to be the best in the room. It’s a show they put on. They truly don’t like themselves and feel like the only way people will like them is if they are a grandiose version of themselves.

The worst thing that can happen to a narcissist is to have their mask of perfection ripped off. In other words, public humiliation, being outed for foul deeds, and being degraded in the eyes of others is their worst nightmare.

A narcissistic collapse is a term for the intense emotional reaction that occurs when a narcissist experiences a setback, feels humiliated, or gets outed as “the bad guy” in a way that they can’t recover from.

What happens during a narcissistic collapse?

Photo by Ehimetalor Akhere Unuabona on Unsplash

Honestly? They kind of break. That’s the best way to describe it in my opinion. They tend to get very aggressive, increasingly agitated, become anxious or may become vindictive towards whoever they feel caused the setback they’re angry at.

Many narcissists tend to self-harm or start turning to addictions when they experience a narcissistic collapse. However, that’s not the only thing they may do. They may start to become even more manipulative, act erratically, or even lash out in crazy ways.

In the case of John List, he chose to act out by killing his entire family after he saw them as a personal failure of his. When confronted about why he did it, he said it was because they all seemed “to turn away from God” and that he wanted them to end up in heaven before it was too late.

While most narcissistic collapses tend to be a temporary thing, there are some that can last for years — even to the end of one’s life.

A narcissist during a collapse can be an extremely dangerous person to be around.

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

Narcissists do not have to resort to killing other people to be a serious danger to others. They often will do things like manipulating and threatening people into complying with whatever they want from them during a collapse.

Right now, I can think of a very good example of a man who’s caught in narcissistic collapse: Donald Trump. Trump had the mask ripped off and people now see that he’s a traitor. His party of sycophants has started to veer away. The bad press is inescapable.

To make matters worse, he might actually face *gasp* consequences for his actions.

For a man who can only feel empathy for himself, this is a living nightmare. And now, we’re starting to see a very desperate, very scared, and very angry Donnie. I mean, look at the ways he’s collapsing:

He’s rallying his followers and talking about a Civil War again. This is a direct example of “stochastic terrorism.” He’s trying to manipulate others into doing his dirty work.
He’s repeatedly trying to gaslight investigators and play the victim during a raid. He’s talking about how “unfair” and “illegal” the raid was. Oh woe is him! This is narcissistic manipulation.
He is showing vindictiveness to others who he felt betrayed him. This is why he’s suddenly smearing Mitch McConnell every other day. Mitch was supposed to save him from the consequences!
People are worried that he may try to pull a move that results in mutually assured destruction. According to a Salon article, “rage and terror” are what to expect.

What’s interesting is that a narcissist’s collapse doesn’t just affect them.

Photo by Marija Zaric on Unsplash

Speaking as someone who’s been on the receiving end of a narcissist’s vindictive collapse, I can tell you that there are several ways that narcissist collapses can affect people:

The innocent person who ends up being harmed through vindictive actions will have a bad time — at least temporarily. The funny thing about this is that, in most cases, the truth does come out. When it does and the narcissist burns through enough people, victims usually get their vindication. This is especially true if the narcissist hurt this person simply because they perceived them as a threat or because the person stood up to them.
People who were foolish enough to be loyal to a particularly volatile and violent narcissist may be physically harmed regardless of what they do. There is a reason why Hitler killed Eva Braun before he killed himself, and ordered others to commit suicide too.
They may be a chance of mutually assured destruction. A narcissist that’s going down will often choose to have his adversaries go down with them. For example, if Trump were to release footage of Democrats doing super illegal things upon his indictment, that would be mutually assured destruction.
If narcissists are fervent followers of a narcissist like Trump, they may experience a narcissistic collapse as well. Here’s the weird thing about Donald’s followers: a lot of them tend to have narcissistic qualities, too. Many of them had Trumpism as part of their personalities…and Trumpism just got tied to failure. Guess what that means? That loss could be a reason for them to have a collapse too. It’s literally like a potential row of dominoes.

No matter how you look at it, watching a narcissist collapse is a lot like watching a bomb go off.

Photo by Sven Verweij on Unsplash

The effects of a flailing narcissist are dangerous for everyone around them and associated with them. The more narcissists are around you, the more likely it is that you may end up getting targeted. That’s why it’s so important to get away from a narcissist as soon as you see one.

The silver lining here is that the outbursts and destruction that narcissists wreak tend to prove others who saw through their behavior right. So, if a narcissist crumbles near you, expect to hear a couple of apologies for siding with the narc.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***