Jordan Gray says that anyone who says that online dating is a numbers game is doing it wrong.
Online dating is one of the easiest ways to meet people these days. If you’re still resisting it, I suggest you jump on board.
There’s nothing shameful or desperate about having an online dating profile. It’s just another way to get out and get to know some people you wouldn’t normally meet within your social circle.
But, just because you’re finding dates from the comfort of your living room, doesn’t mean the online dating game is easier or requires less effort than meeting someone in person. You still have to make sure you are presenting the best version of yourself, while not compromising your values.
You’ve probably seen a handful of articles with tips and tricks on how to ‘get more dates’ or ‘creating a clickable profile’ but my hacks are more based on having integrity, and not getting sucked into the addiction of the online dating world.
Spend Real Time Creating A Profile
This should be obvious.
You’re not going to get anywhere unless you actually put time and effort into your online profile. Invest some real time and energy and make sure you are showing off a real slice of your true self.
Some people treat online dating as a passive activity. You can identify these people by their lack of profile. They are just there to feel that kick of endorphins when they log in to see those little red notification boxes. It’s not about the people for them, it’s about the numbers. And those people will not meet anyone of substance. If you are truly looking for a partner, you need to put your best virtual foot forward.
You don’t have to be able to write great prose or create a spreadsheet of your most dateable qualities. As long as it shows off your personality, lets everyone know what you are looking for, and has zero spelling mistakes, you’re good to go.
(Not sure how to set up a bad-ass online dating profile? Check this out.)
Don’t Be A Troll
Set some boundaries for yourself.
Don’t be one of those annoying people who copy and pastes the same message over and over until they get a response. Not only is that disrespectful to the people on the other side but, it massively devalues you as well.
It can be tempting to mass message your matches. I’m sure you’ve heard people tell you that online dating is a numbers game, and they’re not wrong, but if you limit your outgoing messages it encourages you to focus on the strategy of quality over quantity.
Send out 1 – 3 messages per day and only to people you feel genuinely excited about. Then put some effort into that first message. Read their profile and tell them what caught your eye… and hopefully it’s more than their ‘hot pics.’
Limiting yourself to three messages per day will keep you excited about the online dating scene. It will feel less like a mind numbing data input job with few results. It will also keep you connected to the fact that there are actual, real people on the other side of your messages. Which is something I highly suggest you keep at the forefront of your mind before communicating with… well… anyone.
Talk On The Phone Before The First Date
I know. It’s crazy. Actually speaking to one another before you meet face to face?! Unheard of! But it’s a great way to establish some sort of connection before your date and to establish that you’re not a serial killer (because who knows with these crazy internets these days).
It also gives you a chance to see whether or not the conversational connection is there, and if it isn’t you can save each other some time.
Plus, almost no one is doing this. So, it gives you a huge leg up on the competition. Some people may find it a bit strange, but they’ll more than likely appreciate the phone call and they’ll probably find it a little romantic. I remember when you had to do more than push a few buttons to create romance… now look at us!
So before you arrange an in-person meet up, simply let them know that you would love to quickly chat on the phone just to make sure that your conversational chemistry is on point. Or you can say that you want to make sure that you aren’t being Catfish’ed. Whatever excuse you want to use, go for it.
Keep your focus on the end goal. If you are looking for a high-value partner who you want to know for longer than an evening; it’s better to put in the effort and create solid boundaries for yourself.
Online dating doesn’t have to be a cattle call.
There are genuine, interesting and quality people out there. You just have to put in a little extra effort to attract them.
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