The Trap of Dating Rational Men

There it is. That unsettling feeling inside your chest. You recognize it because this isn’t new.

There is something all too familiar about the situation, the tone of their voice, the things they say.

Their arguments seem to make sense, so you agree. Yet, somehow, as you walk away, you have a strong feeling that you can’t ignore. Your heart, your gut, whatever it is that is speaking to you, knows:

Something is wrong.

Your subconscious is utterly smart. It recognizes the red flags long before the mind can rationalize them.

It recognizes the dismissal, even when they seem to be listening, while nicely invalidating your feelings and jumpstarting your self doubt.

For a while, you convince yourself they are right. It all sounds so sensible. You want to believe the things they tell you. So you push forward. You stay. You try. But all the while that nagging feeling doesn’t go away.

I feel it right now.

My body is trying to warn me. He’s convinced me these are my triggers to heal. Perhaps these triggers are correct in telling me to get the f*ck out.

I desperately want to end it. I even hope he does.

I don’t, because I feel I don’t have good reason to. Simply wanting to is not enough. Not for someone who is rational, who will come back with arguments and spreadsheets as to why your decision is wrong.

If you’re lucky, you’ll start to recognize it quicker over time. You won’t fall for the lies, the charm, or the logic. You’ll trust that cold dagger you feel in your heart, well before they planted it.

If you’re an empath, a feeler, or a dreamer, your wisdom is less convincing than any spreadsheet, but it’s not less valid at all. You just have to start believing that.

F*ck them. F*ck them if you can’t rationally disarm their arguments. You don’t have to. You don’t even need to engage in the discussion (and boy, do they love to discuss).

You can just walk away, right now, and be free.

I can do it too. I gave myself a deadline, to wait until next week. Then we’ll see each other again, and I can say that I no longer wish to proceed. I don’t, I really don’t.

Why hold myself hostage for another week, you ask?

Great question, if only I knew. Fear or self-doubt. Idle hope perhaps, that I’m wrong. But I know I’m not. I know this person is not compatible with me at all.

I hate how he treats me. I hate his way of being. I hate the lack of emotional connection, and the rational arguments. I hate it.

It puts my nervous system on edge. I feel under threat.

He’s a fighter, an athlete, he doesn’t give up. When he puts his mind to something, he doesn’t let go. A trait I admire as much as I dislike it right now. I want my peace, my softness and ease.

Two weeks, I tell myself.

Then I’ll be done.