The Truth Every Anxious, Dismissive and Fearful Avoidant Needs to Face

Before we dive into this article, I need the audience to know a couple of things:

• I don’t write for people who aren’t actively working on transitioning and developing their attachment style or working with their partner on their dynamic.
• I’m sorry if you’ve had a bad experience with a past partner. Your singular experience does not explain navigating relationships with non- secure attachment styles.
• The journey is not days to weeks. It is months to years. There is no light switch that turns on overnight.

Okay, that should eliminate all the comment warriors I deal with.

I showcase a method and path toward secure attachment and show how to navigate a relationship with the non-secure attachment styles.

I go another layer and deliver honesty to those who need it.

We have entered an area where everyone needs their hand held, and the harsh truths they face through their experiences overwhelm them.

No, that doesn’t mean I will be intentionally mean, but you need the delivery in a way that truly resonates with you.

For those looking to change their attachment style, there are some realities they need to face before they move forward and find the relationship with themselves and others they are looking for.

Dismissive avoidants

I know how to touch the heart of dismissive avoidants because I used to be one.

You feel comfortable when you have independent time to recharge, process your feelings, and return to the table as your best self.

You thought I’d let you get away with that explanation of what you’re experiencing, didn’t you?

Your harsh reality is your fear of vulnerability makes you go into a slight panic or a feeling of being overwhelmed.

When you don’t know what you are feeling, your fear of expectations makes you feel weak because you don’t have the answer. So, If I have the time and space, I can figure it out.

Before you think I’m going all in on you here, the change you have to make is simple at its beginning.

Step 1 is to define the what and when of independent time. What are you going to think about and work through? When does the time end, and you return to the table?

Your partner can not be in limbo without knowing what you’re experiencing and when they can expect you to return the conversation.

When you do return, you’re responsible for being proactive about re-engaging in the conversation.

Alone time is not about you. You’re responsible for returning to the topic that separated the couple and caused a fracture.

Anxious preoccupied

When my anxious-preoccupied readers go through their section, take a deep breath before reading.

No, I am not aiming to trigger you or put you down.

There is a misconception that anxious-preoccupied individuals are less problematic than the other non-secure attachment styles, and that isn’t true.

Your ability to share emotions, display vulnerability, and engage in conversations are good qualities.

The problem is there is a line between what you should handle on your own and what needs to be shared with your partner.

Anxious-preoccupied individuals need to develop a stronger core in self-soothing and self-regulation.

You should be in a relationship where you can bring anything to your partner and receive positive feedback. No, that does not give you the green light to do it.

Read that again.

You are quick to process your emotions. You’re responsible for working through them instead of bringing everything to your partner.

Tunde, what about the parts that relate to the relationship? Yes, some of those items.

Everything does not need to be a topic between you and your partner, even if there is something you want to express. Your area of growth is to develop the inner strength to process, regulate, and cure problems.

Fearful avoidant

The “hot and cold” seesaw attachment style! I saved the best for last. I think we all could use a light-hearted joke inserted here.

You are a mix of attachment styles. You sway between anxious and avoidant.

One thing remains true at the core. Building trust is at the core of what you are looking for in a relationship.

You believe it takes time to build trust in your partner and confidence in the relationship, but there is another layer you’re not thinking about.

You fear trust because you have not learned to trust yourself. That fear gets projected onto the relationship, and you think you’re questioning the development of the relationship. You are failing to admit that the trust you need is lacking within.

You don’t get to reflect and use past experiences as a reason for not progressing in your current dynamics while being in it.

Your partner has not given you a reason not to trust them. You have added a layer of defense they have to bypass. It is not their job.

You guessed it. It is your responsibility.

Define what trust means to you and give your partner an outline and blueprint for your needs in the relationship.

Do you want to huddle for a 1:1 session to work through your dynamic? If you’d like a free 15-minute information and onboarding call about my coaching offerings, click here. You can also reach out to me on Instagram. here. or email me at [email protected] for details

Want to learn about the triggers of the dismissive-avoidant? Get a free guide here.

Want to learn about the triggers of the fearful-avoidant? Get a free guide Here