The Ugly Truth About Being in a Situationship

The term “situationship” has become very popular recently, mostly because the majority of people who are involved in it came from online dating apps such as Tinder/Bumble.

You swiped right on them, met in person, and had sex after a couple of weeks of seeing each other, but then it just stops there.

You know you aren’t just “friends,” but trying to put a label on it seems a bit too fast — at least that’s what you think in your head.

The reality is, being in a situationship has so many disadvantages, especially when you are looking for something more serious. And in most cases, that’s what happened. One person wants to keep it casual as long as he/she wants, and the other wants to get exclusive.

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A situationship can wreck your self-esteem.

Suppose you’re the one who wants “more” from this almost-relationship, yet your potential partner doesn’t. For some, it’s easy to just walk away and never look back, but in reality, there’re lots of people who’re stuck in it for years until they get the wake-up call.

If you fall into the latter group, then you should expect a drop in your self-esteem. You become insecure and look for something that’s wrong in you. You constantly have this feeling that you aren’t wanted, and nobody likes to feel that way.

When I was stuck in such a relationship a couple of years ago, I was emotionally unstable all the time. Most days, I just couldn’t wrap my head around it. He said, “We’re just really close friends,” but he acted like my boyfriend all the time. And please, friends, don’t kiss or go on romantic dates.

Yet, for some odd reasons, I chose to stay with that arrangement for too long. I felt this desperate, insecure girl who chased after his love and the official ‘girlfriend’ label.

After some time, these overwhelmed insecurities lead to the next point…

You start believing love is hard to get/no one ever loves you enough.

The main problem in a situationship when you’re the one who wants more is that you don’t know if the feelings you have are real or it’s just your desperation to be with someone.

His/her responses also play a role in the emotional roller-coaster you have. And you’ll take every single thing they say personally. You try so hard to be that person they want, but you also know nothing can change them to commit to you.

If this scenario in your head happens for too long, you’ll start believing that you don’t deserve to be loved. You no longer have faith that there’s a long-lasting relationship story with a happy ending.

Of course, those fairy tales you’ve seen on TV when you’re a kid weren’t real, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy being with someone for the long term.

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So what to do next?

“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn/Is just to love, and be loved, in return.” — Moulin Rouge
I never liked that type of advice that says, “just walk away — you know what you want, and you aren’t going to get it from him.”

First, it’s not that easy. Relationships are complex, and just because it’s something that’s not exclusive, that doesn’t mean it means nothing to the person who’s in it.

Secondly, I always believe even bad encounters can teach you a lesson. Your self-esteem might hit rock bottom, and you may find it hard to believe in love again, but hey, eventually, you’ll figure out how to pick yourself back up.

It’s hard to see how messed up you are when you’re inside the bubble; that’s why having close friends who truly care about you can help a lot in giving you the reminder.

If you don’t have many friends like me, you can rely on journaling. It’s more powerful than you think if you’re willing to give it a try. It helps you track your thoughts and feelings every day.

This is important because, without it, you wouldn’t know if you actually make progress or not in your mission to walk away from the situationship. You need to see it to avoid going back into the rabbit hole.

If many other people out there and I could get out of a situationship, then there’s no doubt you can too. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy but also remember that you deserve to be with someone who wants you just as much as you do.

Trust me, that kind of relationship does exist.

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I write about all things that you might struggle with within your love life. My main goal is to make you feel less alone on your journey. If you resonate with my stories, stay in tune by becoming a Medium member here, or you can buy me a coffee here 🙂

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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