I don’t think we talk enough about how unfair love actually is.
Not in a dramatic way.
Just… in a very human one.
You don’t really get to choose who you fall in love with.
And you definitely don’t get to choose who falls in love with you.
Love doesn’t sit you down and ask if you’re ready.
It doesn’t check timing.
It doesn’t ask if both people are healed, stable, emotionally available, and aligned on the same future.
It just shows up.
Sometimes softly.
Sometimes like a wrecking ball.
And sometimes… at the worst possible moment with the worst possible person.
You can do everything “right” and still fall for someone who can’t meet you.
Not because they’re bad.
Not because they lied.
But because they’re still figuring themselves out.
Or still leaving something they haven’t fully let go of.
Or because they want a life that just doesn’t include you the way you hoped.
And that’s the part no one prepares you for.
Because wanting someone doesn’t mean they can choose you back.
Love doesn’t promise balance.
It doesn’t guarantee effort will be returned at the same depth.
You can feel something real and still be standing alone in it.
And then there’s the other side the one people feel ashamed to admit.
Being loved by someone you can’t fully love back.
How heavy that feels.
How much guilt comes with it.
How confusing it is to care deeply about someone but not feel that thing.
How unfair it feels to be either person in that position.
One hoping it grows.
The other hoping it doesn’t hurt more than it already does.
I used to think love was about deserving.
Like if you were kind enough, patient enough, understanding enough it would work out.
But I’m learning that love isn’t a moral reward.
It’s not something you earn by shrinking yourself or trying harder or becoming easier to choose.
Sometimes it just doesn’t line up.
And no one is wrong for that.
Not the person who loved deeply.
Not the person who couldn’t meet them there.
Not the one who stayed longer than they should’ve.
Not the one who left even though it still hurt.
Some love is real and still not meant to stay.
And that doesn’t make it a failure.
It just means it was honest.
And honestly?
That’s all any of us are really doing trying to love without losing ourselves in the process
T
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Gantas Vaičiulėnas On Usnplash
