The Unseen Cause Behind Many Family Problems

We see many couples who come to us after experiencing significant issues in their relationship. These couples often start their journey with deep love, compatibility, a grand wedding, and careful planning before having children. Yet, after a while, they find themselves unable to stay together. They tell us things like:

✨ “They don’t love me anymore.”
✨ “They get angry over everything.”
✨ “They were caught chatting with someone else.”
✨ “They constantly nag me about even the smallest things.”
✨ “I don’t feel anything for them anymore.”
✨ “They don’t understand me.”

While these may seem like separate issues, when we dig deeper, we find one common problem — children being placed at the center of love and attention in the relationship.

This is like stabbing with a golden knife — it may look good, but it hurts deeply.

When raising a child, many parents focus solely on their physical growth, appearance, and academic achievements. While some prepare extensively during pregnancy by buying the best baby products, very few take the time to learn about nurturing a child’s emotional needs, setting boundaries, or understanding the dynamics of parenting.

Maintaining a healthy marital relationship while raising a child requires thoughtful behavior. Here are some key points:

1. The Baby is Not Priority Number One

Even after having a child, the couple must remain each other’s number one priority. Love and attention should flow more toward your spouse than the child. Avoid adopting the mindset of “The baby is our life now.”

2. We Are Parents, But We Are Also a Couple

Many parents stop living their lives as a couple and prioritize their child for everything. For example, when one suggests going out for lunch, the other might respond:
“Don’t you have a heart? How can we leave the child and go out?”

This mindset creates a situation where couples never get time to spend alone together. Over time, love and connection fade.

3. Routine Sleep is Important for the Baby

One of the biggest mistakes parents make is not establishing a proper sleep routine for their child. A child needs a regular daily routine, including nap times during the day and proper nighttime sleep, ideally around 7 or 8 PM.

Proper sleep helps with the baby’s development and provides much-needed time for parents to bond. Instead of using this time to clean or do chores, spend it with your partner — have a chat, cuddle and watch a movie, listen to music, or engage in intimacy.

Sleep training is essential. It not only benefits the baby’s growth but also ensures the parents’ emotional well-being and strengthens their bond.

4. Avoid Feeding or Rocking to Sleep

Many parents develop the habit of rocking or breastfeeding the baby to sleep. While this might be convenient at first, it leads to long-term issues. The baby becomes dependent, wakes up often, and needs constant attention, leaving the mother sleep-deprived and exhausted.

When transitioning to solid food after the baby turns one, it’s important to gradually wean off nighttime feeding. Prolonging breastfeeding or bottle-feeding at night disrupts the mother’s health and creates undue stress in the marital relationship.

5. Children Should Have Their Own Space

Another common mistake is allowing the child to sleep in the parents’ bed for too long. By around age 7, children should be gradually transitioned to their own room. This fosters independence in the child and strengthens the parents’ bond.

Marriage is a Lifelong Journey

Children will grow up and move on to live their own lives. The foundation of your marriage should not be neglected while raising them. Always prioritize nurturing and protecting your bond as husband and wife.

When the marital relationship weakens, it is ultimately the children who suffer the most. Unhappy or argumentative parents can cause as much harm to a child as divorce itself.

Above all, isn’t the greatest joy in life the love we share with our partner? If you face challenges in your married life, the best thing to do is seek the guidance of a qualified professional rather than solely relying on family elders.

Thank you for reading 🌼

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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