Being told not to cry, when to speak up, not to challenge authority, do what you’re told and then, being told to grow up, find a job and be a man, are just a few of the many notions prompting internal conflicts in men.
In this piece, we’ll explore man’s inner challenges with identity and trying to understand the difference between who he is, who he should be and who he wants to be.
We’ll also look at man’s dreams and desires for wealth; how he defines it and how it defines him. Then we’ll take a look at challenges men face with acceptance by family, peers and society.
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Identity
When a man was a child, he obviously didn’t know what he is nor cares, until later adolescent stages. In the immediate family, he learns and understands that he’s a part of a group or unit, but still not knowing who he is individually.
Initially, a young man will emulate chosen figures in his immediate surroundings, yet still trying to learn and understand his place in the scheme of things.
As a young man matures he begins to assess his identify against those of the other young people around him. He observes how others dress, talk and behave. Well, the more that young man associates and identifies with one of these groups, the more he will take on the manners and behaviors of that group. Here, we still see man looking to the external world in search of his internal identity. It sounds like a form of insanity when you think about it, ‘Man searching outside to find who he is on the inside’.
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Granted, there’re various biological, geographical and other socioeconomic factors at play. However, one can find several commonalities in men’s inner fight for identity, that transcend all those factors.
For instance, men in almost all cultures, want to be known for something; How they look, what they have or what they can do.
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Acceptance
As a man searches outside himself, to find himself, he often looks to the various social groups around him in school or his community. He’s trying to further understand himself by gauging which groups he finds acceptance in, which groups seem to fit who he is or whom he think he is.
At these earlier stages of a man’s life, there’s often a three-way battle internally as he tries to weigh and balance acceptance from his family, his social groups and ultimately himself. This conflict arises as man begins to learn quickly that some of the views and actions of his social groups, contradict those of his family. Furthermore, as he matures and sees life through his own eyes, his own beliefs and opinions may also begin to conflict with his immediate family or how he was raised.
One of the other internal conflicts that arise in a man is when he doesn’t seem to find acceptance nor seem to fit in any of the social groups around him. He’s classified as odd or a loner which can have a deep psychological impact. Psychologist have expressed that humans have a natural need for acceptance and seem to thrive when they have groups or social circles to associate with (https://psychcentral.com).
This lack of acceptance creates disassociation as a man begins to distance himself due to the lack of being accepted. Soon, the internal battle involves the man not feeling he is worthy of acceptance and that he has no purpose in life.
Wealth
In the most basic sense, most men equate wealth to pleasure, respect and power. Most men feel that without wealth, they won’t be respected, have any power and not very much pleasure. No fault to man, this is the paradigm they were born into.
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Politics, movies, media and society in general sell the idea that wealth is the key to a fulfilling life experience and those without it, live less than. Early on, men begin to make wealth their primary focus because this is their given interpretation of the world and how it works.
So whether it be obtaining money by legal, illegal or any other questionable means, the psyche of many men is soon wired to just get it but any means. As this internal battle ensues, the man is weighing the cost of risking his life and freedom for the feelings of respect, pleasure and power that he thinks money will bring him.
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These internal battles in man are just a small example of the mental health issues that plague their minds and their relationships. The challenge is that men have been told to keep their emotions in check, which translates into holding in the thoughts and feelings that may be painful to them.
The result seems to often be depression, anger, abuse, alcoholism and other vices and habits to bury their troubles into. Fortunately, the rise in mental health awareness is allowing men to start opening up about this internal war going on inside them.
There’re several organizations, tools and documents available now that are working to help men with their mental health and inner demons and battles. One of them that’s really gaining support is https://manonfirerising.com/.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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