In romantic movies, there’s often a common theme: guy and gal meet, fall in love, experience some kind of disconnect in their relationship, but finally discover they really love each other. Then: lights up, show over. We are left to assume that it’s “happy-ever-after.”
That’s fantasy. In the real world, the relationship is just getting started after the honeymoon period wears off. That is when the real work of a relationship begins. The work begins with taking on responsibility, having goodwill, and employing focused attention. With the dedication to make your relationship blossom, a deeper form of love can begin to manifest.
You have made an investment in your relationship too, and you want it to keep paying off in terms of making you both happy. So, like caring for your car, you must be attentive to the state of your relationship. You need to keep checking in with your partner to make sure things are clicking along. Ask her how you are doing as her partner and what you can do to improve. Listen to her responses. Try not to blame or be defensive. Make changes that are needed.
You also need to keep abreast of your own feelings so that you can sense if things are not right. Be accountable. Monitor your behavior in order to be aware of how you are treating your partner. Are you appreciative of your partner? Are you being unselfish with them? Do you attempt to manipulate them? Are you being dependable? Do you express your love for them? These things are important for “relationship maintenance.”
As with a car, the sooner that you become aware of problems that are beginning to emerge, the easier it will be to make repairs. You don’t want to wait until you’ve blown a head gasket till you check the oil. And you don’t want to find yourself in the Divorce Court before you discover that your partner has been feeling unfulfilled with you for a long time.
If you find yourself with problems that are beyond your knowledge and ability to fix, don’t be quick to give up and look around for a new model. Consider seeking the help of a “relationship mechanic”, a specialist with experience in couple and family therapy who can provide insight into communication, conflict resolution, sexual problems, and other issues. An expert can help with a relationship tune-up that can furnish new perspectives that you can both get back on the road again.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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