The Worst Relationship You Must Avoid at All Costs

I am an introvert and I have had the least amount of human connection throughout my life.

I could never talk to even guys let alone girls. I grew up watching action and romantic movies where the hero is a charming Casanova who finds love in unexpected ways and then like a hero, showers his love in a grandiose way.

The hero and heroine get together despite everyone being against them and then they conquer every obstacle in their way. How? Through love.

With all this, I believed that love was enough. That with love, you could do anything in life, achieve anything, be anyone you want, face any hardship and come out alive, because you had the power of love.

I know now that it is BS.

What made me realise this? Or better yet, who made me realise this? My recent relationship. My ex.

As I said, I have lived most of my life alone. My only interaction with love were those movies I watched as a child and then as an adult as well. It is the closest thing I knew about how a relationship worked.

I was desperate for love and that became my weakness. I guess she knew that and used that to manipulate me and exploit my weaknesses. I could never fathom that people could be manipulative to such an extent but after my relationship with her, I don’t think I will ever believe in love again.

That is not an exaggeration.

Let’s get into it.

We started with a simple friendship and then we got close. When we were friends, she told me she’s been in love with me for the past 6 years but could never tell me and since I was desperate for some love in my lonely life, I believed her immediately.

After we got comfortable with each other, she started showing her true colours, maybe not consciously but she did because, at the end of the day, you are a human and you cannot hide your true self for long.

She played with my emotions like a kid playing with toys. After every big fight, she would break up with me and the next day would call apologizing and asking for reconciliation. For those of you never been in a toxic relationship or at least a relationship, you might not understand this but it fucks with your head. Big time.

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To understand this, you would have to experience it but I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.

She was not satisfied no matter how much I did for her. Every time I did a small mistake, she would remind me that I did not love her and did not care for her either. She would start unnecessary arguments. I could not talk to other girls unless it was on her terms.

The manipulative part here is that she blamed ME for all this and believe me she was so good at that, even I doubted myself every time thinking that maybe it is ME who is to blame. Somehow, even if I didn’t do anything, with her words, she made me believe that I was the wrong one.

You have no idea what that does to a person’s mental stability. They start questioning themselves, their sanity, their efforts, their love.

After a few months, I was fed up and I simply stopped talking to her. I don’t usually end things on bad terms but on this one, I had to. Why? Because she kept breaking up and patching up, and it would never end, so, I had to end this vicious cycle, for my own happiness.

I did not respect myself in that relationship for whatever reasons and she knew that. She knew I was too insecure to leave her because I craved for love.

If you don’t respect yourself, no one else will, and trust me, it shows whether you respect yourself or not.

That was a very dark time in my life and yet, I am glad it happened. Simply because it taught me a lot of things, such as:

Love is not enough. Chemistry does not mean compatibility. Love will get you through tough times but if there is nothing common between you two, even love won’t save you from dying.
People Can be Cruelly Manipulative. I don’t usually lie. Most of the times I prefer telling the truth, mostly because I have a bad memory but also because I don’t know how to lie. I have the worst poker face on this planet. You would catch my lie on a text message. Because of my own nature, I never thought people could be that bad. I knew they are bad, but at such high level? No. I was wrong.
You Must Respect Yourself. This is a no brainer. Believe me, people can see through you. If you want people to take you seriously, you must start taking yourself seriously first. Make better choices. Use your time wisely. Do not say yes to just everyone and every request. Your life is as important as anyone else’s, treat it that way. There is no harm in being selfish once in a while.
Family is everything. You will meet people day in and out. They will come into your life and pretend to stay forever but they won’t. The only people that will stay in your life is your parents and then maybe your siblings. Nothing is above family. Remember that. When I was dealing with all that toxicity, my family was always there to support me, even if deep down they knew I was with a wrong person.
Your Happiness is Your Own Problem. You think people care when you are sad or defeated? They don’t. Take care of your own happiness because no one else will. What you feel, only you can feel that. No matter how deeply hurt you are, it is still your pain. You cannot just teleport your pain to someone else so they understand your situation. Similarly, you cannot expect others to understand what makes you happy. Only you do, so work for it.

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In Conclusion

If you feel any manipulation in a relationship, get out as soon as possible, at all costs. It is not worth it. Trust me.

You must be careful because the manipulative person will make you believe in those manipulations without you realising they are manipulations at all. This is a very tricky spot to be in. It is like a dream so real, you don’t realise it is a dream at all.

My advice: Follow your gut. As I said already, you know what makes you happy or sad.

Use that intuition to recognise red flags in your own relationship and stop lying to yourself that it will get better. It never does.

A person can change everything but not who he is.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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