We often tend to see arguments as you are wrong and I am right debates.
We want to get our point across so badly that we don’t even truly listen to what the other person is saying because we are too busy thinking about the next thing to say.
It happens to all of us, right?
And most of the time, it only makes things worse.
There’s a healthy type of arguing, though.
One that leaves everyone feeling enriched and connected.
The premise: right and wrong are relative concepts
Most of the arguments we entrain ourselves with are pointless.
Based on expectations of how things should be and how people should behave.
But here’s the thing: my idea of what’s right can be different from yours.
The whole should concept is based on ideas that other people inculcated in our heads, and they are only true to a reference point.
Based on what my reference point is, I might not agree with how you think things should be.
Two people on opposite sides of a heated conversation can be right at the same time, each one from his/her own point of view.
When we show up with curiosity and empathy, we can really listen to the reasons behind the other person’s point and understand where they are coming from.
This simple change of attitude can turn an argument into an occasion for enrichment, rather than confrontation.
Tackling arguments from a place of curiosity
We all come from different backgrounds and we’ve all had different experiences in life.
Our upbringing and social influences contributed to creating the identity we have now.
And what this means is that each of us sees and interprets the world from our own, unique perspective.
When in an argument we feel like we are right and the other person is wrong, we are just considering things from our own point of view.
We can choose to take off the glasses of our own perspective, suspend judgment and listen to the other person from a place of curiosity.
Why are they feeling this way about this?
The power of empathetic listening
Listening with an open heart and mind, without judgment and without wanting to prove anything, is incredibly healing for both parties.
It allows us to peel off the layers of conditioning and reach our true being.
It allows us to get to the bottom of the matter and see things from a different perspective.
It allows us to be truly curious and make questions that will make the other person go deeper into their thoughts and get to the root of the matter, helping them bring to the surface something that (maybe) was silently conditioning their behavior.
When we do this, we always walk out of the conversation as empowered, more connected, people. Our relationship with the other person deepens and so does our connection with our authentic self.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Joanna Nix-Walkup on Unsplash
