These Expectations Aren’t Hard To Meet

I consider myself to be a pretty straightforward person when it comes to discussions in my romantic relationships. Maybe I get it from my mom, but I don’t believe that beating around the bush when you want something is a good idea. You just need to come out and say it, otherwise, the other party is not going to know.

Proper communication with your significant other about your expectations is seriously more important than a lot of people realize. There should never be assumptions about expectations within a relationship. They need to be clear-cut, concise, and explicitly stated.

Whenever I’ve gotten into a relationship, (which has only been twice), I have found that stating my expectations at the beginning has been the most effective way to make sure that they are met. Of course, we’re imperfect, and meeting someone’s expectations can be hard. I completely understand that. At times, I haven’t been able to measure up to some people’s expectations myself. But when it comes to romantic relationships, in my opinion, hitting all my expectations is what’s going to make or break the relationship. Like I said, meeting expectations can be hard, but if you want to make a relationship work, it’s not impossible. And if you really want somebody, you’ll try your best to do what you can to meet them.

1.Be a Godly man.

First and foremost, you need to worship God in word and deed. Don’t just talk about how much you love Him, show me. You need to love learning about God and reading your Bible. I want someone who is devoted to Him. A man who loves God more than he loves me will always take care of me. Putting God’s standards and laws first and prioritizing your life to make sure you make time for Him every day is not difficult if you honestly want to do it. This is what I look for first.

2..Respect my boundaries.

This is the basic, bare minimum anyone could ask for. This is not something that I should even have to say, but sadly I’ve had to sit men down and tell them this. If you don’t respect my boundaries, then obviously you won’t respect me at all. Don’t even joke about not respecting my boundaries. I’m not a joke and neither is my right to have limitations for you, especially when it concerns my body. Disrespecting and breaking my boundaries is an immediate breakup.

3.Don’t compare me to other people.

If you don’t want to lose me, then you won’t do this, ever. I am my own person. Just like anyone else, I’m not perfect, but you better believe that I will always try my best to do good for you. I shouldn’t have to measure up to someone else you know. That’s not fair to me and will only leave you looking stupid. Set up unique expectations and standards for me. I promise you that you’re worth meeting them for if they’re reasonable.

4.Be willing to pull your weight.

This is so important. When it comes to the home, we both live there, therefore we should both be doing what it takes to maintain the home. This also translates into the relationship. It takes two to make it work, so the effort to keep the relationship intact and lively should come from both sides, not just one. For example, I don’t want to be with someone who expects me to organize all the dates, especially if they complain about what I plan. That kind of situation is frustrating and makes me feel like what I do isn’t good enough.

5.Show me respect by valuing my needs and perspective.

I will do my best to take care of you, give you what you need and want, and validate your viewpoint. I’ll go out of my way to make sure of it, actually. I expect you to do the same too. I may have a flawed point of view at times and I can be emotional about it, but I still expect you to honor my right to think that way before you correct me. Yes, you may and should correct me if I’m in the wrong. I fully expect it. But first, let me express my opinions. Give me the security I need to be able to come to you and talk about my thoughts in a judgment-free zone.

6.Effectively communicate with me.

No lying under any circumstance. I don’t care what’s going on, there is just no excuse. Effective communication is vital to the health of our relationship. When you lie, you break bonds of trust and sever the cords of our relationship on top of creating a pretense. Effective communication also includes talking to me. Bottling up your feelings and being passive-aggressive because I can’t read you remind is childish. Just tell me what’s wrong. It makes life easier for both of us.

7.Be empathetic by acknowledging my emotions and supporting my right to feel.

Yes, I may be a bit emotional at times. I won’t lie about that. Still, that doesn’t excuse a man from dismissing my feelings. I may not always be upset for a reason that he understands, but he should still have the desire to comfort me during a time like that. Why be with someone if you don’t want to help them through tough times and tough emotions? I think it’s wrong to make someone feel bad just because you don’t get why they’re upset. Bottom line: belittling or demeaning is a form of emotional abuse. I want nothing to do with that.

8.Hold down a job and be financially responsible with the money you have.

Again, a bare minimum request. First off, a job is a job. Don’t tell me you “can’t find a job” or that you don’t have a job because “you don’t want to work for ‘the man’”. Any job that gives you money to pay your bills is a good job. There’s nothing more annoying than a man who constantly gets fired, doesn’t work at all, or can’t budget his money responsibly. There’s nothing wrong with indulging yourself or even having an expensive lifestyle but not at the expense of you being able to pay your bills or take care of important finances first. Have some financial priorities.

9.Devote uninterrupted time to me.

This can be scheduled into our busy lives at least weekly. I know everybody needs their time, especially after a long day of work, so I wouldn’t expect this every day. But at least once a week for a few hours or even a whole day isn’t asking too much. Uninterrupted time means no phones or technology to distract us from just being in each other’s presence and you deepening our relationship.

10.Don’t be stagnant or become overly comfortable.

Date me, woo me, work to win me over always, even after marriage. Don’t get lazy in our relationship just because we’ve been together for a long time or even just because you feel like you can be yourself around me. Being comfortable enough to be who you truly are around me doesn’t excuse lazy dating habits. When you genuinely love someone who is in your life and you want to prove how much you appreciate them you do whatever you can to show that.

Despite the controversy some may find surrounding my expectations and standards of a man, I still stick by what I believe that I need. My utmost respect and endless love will be the reward without fail. I don’t believe these expectations are unrealistic or unachievable. I would know because I would fulfill them without trouble or a fight. If I can do it, then so can he.

These are simple requests really.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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