Being in an unhealthy relationship for years has taught me a lot. It gave me a chance to realize the mistakes I made and to improve myself. The first thing I realized after all these years was that a relationship is not about just loving each other. Although love is important, it is still not enough. There are things both partners need to work on. There were things I needed to make myself better at which were no less important than just being in love.
Being Respectful Towards My Partner
Respect is as important as love in a relationship.
Respect is what everyone wants. Everyone deserved to be respected by their partner regardless of the situation. No one has the right to disrespect their partner in front of people or in privacy.
You must not be disrespectful during a conflict either. You should not forget who they are and what they mean to you. Instead of attacking each other, focus on the issue. You must respect their opinions and feelings. If you went out of temper, it’s better to take a break and calm yourself down before you say or do something you would regret later.
Communicating Well With My Partner
Communication is the key to a healthy relationship.
Communication was one of the hardest things for me to improve. I didn’t use to speak up even when my partner would be asking me if there is anything I wanted to tell and talk about.
I realized later that I should have been open with my partner. If there was something bothering me, you should not have kept it to myself, did not need to ignore it, I should have talked about it with my partner, I needed to be straightforward but not harsh.
There is something we all need to understand that It is our partner’s right that we talk to them about our problems, fears, likes, and dislikes. We should communicate properly with one another about any issue we may have.
We must be comfortable enough with our partners to communicate. Without proper communication, problems are caused such as lack of trust, increase in anger towards one another, and jealousy, etc.
Not Comparing My Partner
Comparison is the thief of joy.
How would you feel if your partner says “My ex was better than you, they used to show more affections. They were more active than you. Can’t you be just like them?”. I am pretty sure that will make you frustrated and feel worthless. The same way I felt.
We used to compare each other with other people which only made us unhappy and think about our past. One small argument happens and we started to compare each other with our exes or someone we know. What I learned was that you should not forget that your partner is unique. They have their own mindsets and beliefs. It’s not fair.
Look at their good qualities and love them for who they are, or don’t get serious in a relationship in the first place. Comparing will only make you and your partner unhappy and put your relationship to an end.
Not Expecting Too Much from My Partner
Expecting too much can lead to so much disappointment.
At the start of a relationship, you might think that they are who you need and that they can do anything for you. Your expectations are so high that you don’t even realize that yourself.
If you are expecting your partner to be perfect and 101% who you want them to be, then you are just making yourself a fool. You will only be disappointed if your partner couldn’t do what you thought they should. Don’t set your expectations too high. Don’t expect your partner to be exactly what you want.
Everyone has their own mindsets and beliefs and not all of them can match with yours. That’s not possible. A relationship is about making compromises. Making some compromises for each other will make your relationship better.
Giving Space to My Partner
Good relationships require space.
Giving no space at all or giving more than they needed, both are not good. It’s understandable that you might get a little worried and start questioning if you did something wrong. You might not want them to take a break but you need to respect them.
Not giving your partner their space and not understanding their situation is a foolish act. You should be cooperative with your partner and understand what they really need. But also, giving space doesn’t mean that you completely cut off with your partner and do not talk or see each other for days or weeks. It doesn’t mean the end of a relationship.
You must ask your partner when and where do they want more space. Do they just need to spend some alone self-improving or do they want to limit texting throughout working days? Instead of texting all day, you can text only to check in on them. Sometimes having too much space can make your partner question your relationship. It might work for some couples and doesn’t for others. It’s all down to the couple how they are with each other.
“Love is not enough, it must be the foundation, the cornerstone-but not the complete structure, it is much too pliable, too yielding”— Bette Davis
I have made a lot more changes in me, It’s not only helpful for me in a relationship but also in different stages of life. Now I can communicate better, I can control my anger, and be respectful towards everyone. I still have a lot more to improve. If you want to live a happy life with your partner, there will be few things you will need to improve in yourself, the same goes for your partner.
Neither you nor they are perfect. not being egoistic and working to make yourselves better is like a compromise you make for your partner and it is not worthless.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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