This “3 Simple Rules” Meme Has a Deeper Message

The message you keep seeing

I first saw it on Instagram. A meme that was simple and clear, the kind that left me silently nodding in agreement because it was dead on accurate. Not to mention, solid common sense.

And so I scrolled on.

The next day I saw it again. Two days later, again.

The third time I saw it, I paused. The first line in it was speaking to me rather strongly in that particular moment.

Love needs action.

That day I was feeling a bit slighted by a dear friend over a decision that had me feeling neglected and unvalued. I wasn’t feeling loved based on the actions I was seeing.

So when I saw that meme again, I bitterly scrolled past it to happier things.

I did not want to deal with that situation.

A few days later, my feelings with the situation with my neglectful friend had escalated — and I thought about that meme.

And that’s when the meaning started to change for me.

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How did you interpret it?

Here’s the meme. As you read it, I want you to consider what this means to you personally right now.

I first read it as, “Yeah, that’s how people should treat me.” And maybe that’s because there’s been a long history where I didn’t feel love through action.

I didn’t always experience trust through proof, and I certainly didn’t see sorry through change.

But a lot of that now lies in my past. I have let those people go.

Despite that, here was an old situation dressed up in a new coat, knocking on my door to see if — and how — I would answer.

After seeing that meme over and over, I finally did something different when I saw it again.

I turned it on me.

Instead of making that meme about other people, I made it about myself.

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Love needs action

Yes, and that action is oftentimes my own. I needed to take action. I had to speak up and let my friend know how I felt and what action would fix the growing rift between us.

Seemingly, nothing was going to change, as my friend was holding firm on the action that was bringing me so much hurt.

That’s when I knew there was more action needed on my part.

I needed to do some inner work to explore why this situation had become so painful for me. What unhealed wound was it triggering? What was this hurt REALLY about? What action did I need to take to be at peace with the situation — even if it remained unchanged?

Love, whether with a romantic partner, friend or family member, requires us to take actions to build and sustain those relationships — and they may not be the easy ones, or even the ones we WANT to take.

They are all actions that we can own and are in control of. That’s the most important action that takes place in love. Our own.

And in some cases, love (as in self-love) needs the action of walking away.

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Trust needs proof

I build trust through transparency, which acts as proof. I find this builds a sense of safety and security in a relationship — it leaves nothing up for worst case scenario assumptions.

If you are questioning something I am doing, I have no problem showing you whatever evidence you will need to settle your mind. You want to know who I am texting right now? Here’s my phone, look for yourself.

I can do this proactively as well.

In my last relationship, I gave my boyfriend the code to get into my phone so he could easily take videos of me and respond to text messages while I was driving if needed.

I could tell immediately that this small action elevated his sense of trust in me. Giving someone access to any proof one would need if there was ever a question about what I was really doing is powerful.

When I am building trust with someone new, especially in a relationship, I will make small gestures of “showing proof”. If I am with a new boyfriend and I get a text message, instead of handling it discreetly, I may say, “Oh, my neighbor is dropping off tangerines for me,” or letting them know it’s a work message.

The reality is that if you get a message and respond to it while you are with your person, they will likely be a bit curious about who is getting your attention in that moment. Being secretive or private about things that are taking your attention away from your person can unnecessarily open the door for weird feelings to step inside.

Being open and transparent settles peoples minds so they don’t derail into suspicion and curiosity about what you might be hiding or doing.

You build trust by making proof easily available to others.

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Sorry needs change

I have written extensively about apologies and making right with someone after a fight or conflict. My last story talked about an incident that left me pulling back to reflect on a situation I had handled poorly. I had overreacted and the punishment did not fit the crime.

I wanted to change my behavior so I wouldn’t overreact again.

When I took the day to self-reflect, I was able to identify what actions I needed to take to change my future behavior.

I recognized I wouldn’t be perfect right away, but I was taking meaningful steps and could share what I was doing to make those changes.

And the truth is that in any conflict, both people usually have a part in it. Instead of expecting the other person to be the only person who apologizes and makes changes, we all need to look at ourselves and see where we can join them in making each other whole again.

That often times means that we BOTH make changes. Even if they seem minor.

In any conflict, both people must take ownership for their part. Never assume that you are the only person deserving of an apology and change from your partner.

We can all do better. Never be blind to that. Own your stuff.

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The reason I like this meme so much is because many of us are guilty of seeing this through that self-righteous lens of assuming this is how others should treat us. But for me, this is about how we show up with others.

When we operate in this manner, we will likely attract others who do the same, and can quickly identify those who do not so we can let them go sooner rather than later.

That’s the power of making this meme about ourselves.

Don’t assume it’s about them. Let it be about you. ❤

🙋🏻‍♀️ I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments — chime in!

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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