I used to believe attractive women could get any men they wanted. Let’s be honest: looks give you an unfair advantage in dating. I don’t think that’s unfair. If you’re not attracted to your partner, you may as well stay friends.
But what if I told you attractive women have a tough time finding a relationship?
I came across a TikTok from a dating app founder, and it changed my perspective on dating. She uses numbers to explain why attractive women stay single.
You may disagree with someone’s opinion, but numbers don’t lie.
Here’s why good-looking women can’t find a relationship:
Men just swipe right.
The advantage of men is that they’re not picky when it comes to women.
Like it or not, dating apps are all about looks. You choose to swipe left or right based on the picture, not the personality.
The brutal truth is that, on the internet, looks matter.
Let’s organize it this way: 20% of people are extremely attractive, and 80% are ordinary. You’d think the attractive people would use this advantage and only match with other good-looking people, right?
Wrong. Well… kind of.
That’s how women behave. They know they’re above average and expect to find a partner with similar qualities. The problem is that men and women don’t behave the same way.
The dating app founder says that the top 20% of men match with 80% of women. They swipe right without a second thought.
So while attractive women have a smaller pool of men to choose from, good-looking men lower their expectations and spend more time with other women.
Women want different things.
Here’s the real reason attractive women stay single: attractive men don’t want anything serious.
It’s not that attractive men don’t care about women’s feelings. But they know their qualities and use them to their advantage. They take the time to meet as many women as possible.
The priority of attractive men is to have fun.
Attractive women go to dating apps to find a serious relationship.
From their small range of options, they’ll match with an attractive man who is looking for something else. So they have disastrous dates that lead nowhere and go home with one single question in mind: “how come I’m still single?”
It’s a recipe for disaster.
It goes beyond the app.
You may say, “that just happens in dating apps because they’re too superficial. If you want a relationship, meet people in other places.”
Except this effect goes beyond the app.
Attractive women don’t settle because they know they can achieve more. When they meet a man who doesn’t fit their standards, it won’t turn into a relationship (or it would take more effort if it does). Their small poll of candidates is still tiny outside of the app.
Attractive men still want the same outside the app: to have fun.
They’re more audacious when meeting women (attractive or not). They take more risks because they know their chances of success are high. Maybe he’s even more successful in person because he can use other charms.
The app doesn’t change a person’s attractiveness or expectations for a relationship.
Women can learn from men.
If being attractive isn’t enough to find love in dating apps, what can women do to change that scenario?
Well… women can act like men.
Yes, attractive women have standards. I get it: you know what you want, and there’s no reason to settle. There’s nothing wrong with having standards.
Women stay single because they take the dating app too seriously.
You overthink details like height, hair color, or style. When you see a picture on the app, you think of the future: “could I date this guy?” And you make this decision based on a photo. Except a picture says very little about who a person is.
The truth is, you can’t control relationships. Even when a guy ticks all your boxes, there’s no guarantee he’ll be a good boyfriend. So the best you can do is let go and allow things to happen naturally.
Next time you’re on a dating app, ask a different question: “could I meet this guy?”
Dating is a process. Allow yourself to be surprised.
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Attractive women don’t have it easier when it comes to finding a serious relationship. Yes, looks matter. But that’s not enough to start or maintain a relationship. Relationships require hard work, compatibility, and (why not?) luck.
My recommendation is: allow things to happen naturally. Give more people the benefit of the doubt. You can’t control relationships, so you might as well have fun.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com
