I’ve kissed a lot of frogs.
Men who wanted more but I didn’t, men who didn’t want more when I did, and men who just plain weren’t right for me — in more ways than one. It was lonely sometimes, but I was mostly okay with it.
Love doesn’t appear, and life goes on.
Growing up, I was never someone who considered falling in love to be the end-all, be-all of life. I had things to do and places to go. Compromise seemed unnecessary, and falling in love seemed like an irritating cliche.
I was totally convinced that soulmates were a myth.
But somewhere along the way life hit me with a curve-ball, and out of the blue, I met one person that changed everything. You think you know the way of the world, and then love comes around and changes all the rules. It puts everything into perspective.
And things never look the same again.
I’m certainly no expert, but it seems to me that a lot of the love songs out there actually got it right. This crazy chemical reaction in our brains and in our hearts has an intoxicating power, and it’s hard to define even though we talk about it all the time.
So how do I know I’ve found “the one”?
Words can be meaningful, but in my world, feelings only start to grow when someone proves they can be trusted with your soul.
Mine definitely wasn’t love at first sight, but love at first knowing. I felt it when I knew him, when I learned him, and when he learned me and wanted to know more.
Before, I couldn’t trust myself or anyone else, believing that love was simply a chemical reaction causing us to do crazy impulsive things. It had hurt me in the past, and it leaves scars. And often that pain is incredibly difficult to leave behind.
But I know now that it’s more than chemicals. It’s more than lust and a backseat hookup because there’s trust. We’ve opened ourselves up to scrutiny and given each other support.
It’s knowing that he’s rooting for me when I’m chasing my dreams.
It’s knowing that he’s there with a cup of coffee, at the beginning of an important day, and waiting with a cold beer, at the end of a difficult one.
It’s knowing that he understands my deepest desires, and will do everything he can to fulfill them.
It’s trusting that he knows all my darkest thoughts but would never share because he simply wants to help me through them.
It’s knowing that he wants me even when I’m moody or depressed, and just wants to know what I need to feel okay.
It’s knowing that he wants to hear all my stories and support my goals. That he laughs at my jokes and challenges my fears. That he embraces my flaws and is gentle with my insecurities.
It’s that he knows my past, and still wants to be a part of my future.
It’s trusting that despite loving me he’s not afraid to criticize, because we all need someone to check us sometimes.
It’s understanding that I’m strong enough on my own, but because of him, I don’t have to be. He’ll be there when the world is on fire, and he’ll do what he can to put out the flames.
It’s caring so much about him that I would do all the same and more, just to know that he is safe and happy and feels my love too.
It’s knowing that happiness is real when shared and wanting to share everything. And it’s believing this is what they mean when they describe the “real thing”. Because you’ve given parts of yourself and now want to give him all the other pieces too, because you know he will cherish them all.
It’s knowing that we don’t need to show off to the world for it to be real, but wanting to show them anyway because we are so happy together.
It’s realizing that my lover, my best friend, and my biggest fan are all mixed into one and that I want to s
It’s trusting someone with my soul and realizing that I’ve found my soulmate.
pend my whole life with that one single human. And that I no longer want to imagine a future without him.
It’s understanding each other’s values, and being willing to dive deep into the important things, even if we don’t see them the same way. It’s love and respect despite disagreement.
It’s knowing that something brought us together and that we’ll both fight to keep us that way. Arguments happen, fights may spark up, but if trust and respect are there, deep love can remain and life goes on.
It’s knowing, it’s feeling, it’s more than I have the words to describe. It’s terrifying, exhilarating, compelling, and soothing all at the same time.
Love is love.
I still don’t know if soulmates exist, but if they do, I’ve certainly found mine. I trusted someone with the darkest parts of me, and he treats every piece of my being as a gift. That kind of love, where you feel treasured, supported, hopeful, and content — that’s something to hold on to. Because of all these things, I know deep down that he is “the one”.
From experience, I know to those not in the whirlwind of emotion, witnessing it can be incomprehensible and even annoying. But to those in the thick of it, it changes everything.
It helps you heal from the past, brings some peace in the present, and gives you hope for the future. It can make the worst critic and most stubborn disbeliever, believe.
And that is a truly powerful thing.
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Photo courtesy Unsplash.