It’s tough to find and land a romantic relationship with a quality woman these days. It always was, but these days, it has become extraordinarily tough.
You know you aren’t just a good or great guy. You’re obviously what someone would normally call a good, high-quality catch.
You own your own home. Control a more than a fairly considerable amount of income to lead a comfortable life with a significant other.
“Every woman’s dream”, right?
Only that it’s been one hell of a struggle to actually land one. Making you wonder whether you should just quit and embrace singlehood. All the efforts you’ve been putting in — only to end up with complete f*ck ups when you finally land one.
It might even feel like you’re so unlucky that you often do your very best only to end up with different iterations of the same disappointment.
But to experience or achieve different results, you simply can’t be that guy with loads of money in the bank. You’ve got to be more substantive in some way.
And what’s that way?
Well, it was also tough for me to come to terms with the fact that those who are substantially successful with women have in some way got some ‘unfair’ advantages.
If they didn’t, they wouldn’t be that successful, while a lot of us fail miserably despite putting in lots and lots of effort just as they do, of course.
The unfair advantages I’m talking about aren’t some kinds of natural-born cheats that make them so great at attracting and winning over high-quality women. Though, to some extent, some people have got that too.
I’m talking about being so evolved and self-aware enough to avoid making the slew of mistakes a lot of us make — that make attracting high-quality women an external struggle.
That’s the secret to the deserved advantage, that’ll always account for unlimited success in the dating and relationship department.
Okay, how can one tap into these exclusive and unfair advantages?
Firstly, your first aim should be to be a partner instead of anything else.
A lot of men, when trying to woo and attract women often switch to either performance (acting out of sync with who they really are) or sale pitching (name-dropping famous friends or flashing their materialistic worths) modes.
To stand a better chance with high-quality women (and achieve greater success than you’d ever imagine), you must aim to be what most evolved and modern high-quality women want in a partner. If you’re best described as what women want centuries ago, you’ll struggle to find or land a romantic partner these days.
Being a great partner is one of the surest ways to cultivate a healthy and thriving relationship with a woman of substance.
Your aim must be to often show up as a potential partner and teammate who’s self-aware enough to be empathetic, trustworthy, positive, and supportive of her emotional and otherwise needs and even life goals and dreams.
You shouldn’t aim to be just a financial provider or an inauthentic niceness plug. But be that special guy who provides partnership enough to make her feel like an equal entity whose needs, thoughts, feelings, goals, etc, matter as much as yours.
To take things a step further…
…You should aim to be that man who knows what he wants enough not to settle for anything that’s just “hot”.
Hold dating prospects to almost fairly same standards you have for yourself. By this, I mean, you shouldn’t opt for anything less than an intelligent, career-oriented, empathic, and honest woman if you’re at the same standards.
This isn’t to encourage you to have seemingly unrealistic standards or expectations. But to urge you to, by all means, avoid holding shallow expectations for prospective dates.
You should never opt for someone whose first encounter with gives you dangerous vibes or red flags you know you’re supposed to be better than because she’s hot or something else.
That’s why I’ve always believed that dating should be about actively trying to figure out whether or not you’re a great match with someone more than anything else.
What’s the point of being so desperate to be partnered to the extent that you wouldn’t mind settling for someone with huge debt, questionable traits, and a general unintelligence?
To avoid this mistake, you need to always make sure you’re whole and happy on your own. Instead of counting on someone to complete and make your life better. This usually sounds romantic on paper but is a recipe for disaster in reality.
This way, you’ll easily land yourself in a prison of unhappiness while you’re desperately looking for someone who’ll magically make your life happier and more fulfilled.
Get the gist? Okay. Now, the next thing you need to aim to do is to be significantly great at communicating. To always communicate beyond the surface level.
By this, I mean being a pretty damn great listener. Someone who cares enough to listen to a woman’s thoughts, feelings, and other non-verbal acts of communication.
Someone who’s emotionally aware enough to be emotionally expressive. And wouldn’t shy away from expressing his romantic feelings to a prospective date. Or shy away from expressing even his deepest negative feelings. Your biggest aim is to achieve a strong emotional connection with her over a physical one.
Now, these might sound clichéd. But you aren’t going to stand a chance in hell of succeeding in the dating department if you suck at communication.
It’s even worse when you can’t afford to make a woman you claim to be interested in a priority that you’d often flake on her, be inconsistent, and always act out of sync with what you say.
Of course, it’s cool to, in fact, you should have other priorities in life but that doesn’t mean your partner or love interest should be at the very bottom of your priority list.
On a final note…
Make her and the relationship you’re trying to build a priority. Be a better and deeper communicator. Learn to be happy and fulfilled on your own. So as to avoid settling for less than you should. And finally, aim to always be a partner over anything else.
And watch yourself thrive with unfair advantages a lot of other men lack.
Take your deserved advantage. And rock your dating life.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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