I’ve written about hookup culture a lot and it’s for a reason.
I think many of us have unwillingly accepted it as a norm. We’ve been socialized by our friends, media, or whoever else to think that 1-night stands are somehow progressive. Or much fun. Or somehow make us an interesting person.
Just how stumbling around at 3am and then puking into a toilet doesn’t impress me, the number of people you’ve slept with and then left 5 minutes afterward isn’t particularly interesting either, Mark.
You just look like a giant assho*le.
But the problem, as I see it, is that sex is really best when it boils down to one thing.
It’s so simple, but so many of us forget.
Connection. That’s literally it.
Now, connection is not penetration. It is not holding hands. It is not dancing with each other for an hour and then going back to someone’s apartment. It just isn’t.
Connection doesn’t even have to be with someone you’re in a relationship. A contradiction? Yes and no. Because you can certainly sleep with someone regularly that you’re connected with. Not everyone in this world practices monogamy. Not everyone loves the same.
True connection is almost indescribable. But when I think about it, I always think of this one scene from Crazy, Stupid, Love. It’s exactly what I think of when I think of some of the best connections with an intimate partner of my life.
A connection isn’t always describable, but it’s naked. It’s seeing beyond someone’s skin. Beyond their eyes, hair or body fat. It’s seeing their soul. Their giggle. Or maybe their terrible jokes.
If that isn’t there, sex just isn’t working for me.
And I seriously doubt it’s working for you either.
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Previously Published on Medium
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