This Is Why Narcissists Get You Pregnant

Weneed to talk about “put a baby in her” culture because it has nothing to do with “starting a family”. And it has nothing to do with love either.

To put it simply, it is becoming a trend for narcissistic men to “put a baby” in women in order to “keep” them, for a variety of terrible reasons.

This is nothing new, but it is getting old.

An example of this type of mentality is displayed in a video published by DJ Vlad on his YouTube show VladTv, where he and rapper Boosie agreed that American rapper ASAP Rocky should get Rihanna pregnant as soon as possible.

You can see the video clip here.

The sentiment was that it would be beneficial, and crucial, for him to lock her down. From the time I penned this article a little over a year ago to me now having it published, Rihanna has finally given birth to a son,

By ASAP Rocky.

Considering this conversation surrounding trapping her, I didn’t know whether to be happy for her or completely alarmed. Regardless, I started wondering how many men are doing this and share this mentality.

I finally found out.

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A narcissist’s terrifying definition of ‘Fatherhood’

This particular conversation made me sick to my stomach

In 2020, I had a conversation with a narcissist in my building, named Mel, where he openly admitted he purposely cheated on his longtime girlfriend with his high school sweetheart (his first love),

And he did this on purpose.

She had allegedly broken his heart and he wanted to get her pregnant as revenge. He said he wanted to make sure she was stuck to him for the rest of her life — so he could ruin it. And she is. And he has.

In fact, last I heard she was suicidal.

What makes this worse is the fact that his girlfriend is actually a really kind woman who I’ve come to know (in passing interactions).

He cheated on a good woman (who he is in the process of trying to trap) because he’d actually been waiting for the opportunity to trap another woman and took it as soon as it came… ten years later,

To settle a score.

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Many women think marriage equals commitment

Narcissists understand that having a child is the real commitment

And Mel explained this in detail, to me.

He brought up how most women desire marriage as a show of true commitment, but he explained something I have always understood. Having a child with someone is a permanent commitment.

According to him —

“We don’t need to marry you once we get you pregnant.”

He explained that marriage is not a permanent commitment, or at least it doesn’t have to be — and it usually isn’t, at this point.

With marriage, you can divorce someone.

You can separate or simply leave the relationship and do your thing, even if you are still legally declared “husband and wife”.

But you can’t un-have a child.

This is why so many narcissists push for babies and “starting families”, they understand that once a child enters the picture, the game changes. And many women don’t seem to see this strategy in time.

Mel explained why —

Most women are so focused on love, and getting to the point of getting a ring, that they’re not even paying attention to the fact that they’ve being trapped — once they’ve given birth.

Mel then confessed that even if we (women)—

catch on
outgrow their man
get tired of waiting (for a commitment/marriage)
get tired of the abuse/mistreatment
get tired of being cheated on, or simply
want to leave

It’s too late.

You can go if you want but you still have to deal with the very man you want to get away from so essentially it no longer matters because there is no turning back. You’re attached to him for the rest of your life,

Now that you’ve had his kid.

To sum this up, Mel said —

Basically, he “wins”.

He explained to me most men, if not all, already know this and have been using this understanding (and using us) to their advantage, for ages.

And he’s absolutely right.

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How have so many women been falling for this?

Image by iStockPhoto.com

Because most narcissists are utilizing the power of coercion

I wrote this article, I Was Raped by My Drug Dealer.

In it I explained how my rapist admitted he believed women needed to be manipulated into having sex, essentially handing me a confession I never expected.

Along with a lesson in all the ways a narcissist will manipulate women into feeling safe enough to open their legs for them. What I didn’t mention in that article was his perspective on parenthood,

And the fact that he admitted he was trying to add me to his lineup as his third baby’s mother, because of my spirituality.

He said I was “divine” in a way that his other two baby’s mothers weren’t. Basically, because I’m spiritual and they weren’t. Many of my spiritual beliefs lined up with his and because of that,

He wanted to get me pregnant.

He said he needed to mold me to his liking to fit exactly what he wanted and that he had been “working on me”. He was very drunk and really high so he was overtalking and telling on himself.

So, basically, he told me the truth:

He was creating a roster of baby mamas.

Like Nick Cannon.

He admitted to “locking down” both of his current baby’s mothers. In fact, he cheated on the first one with the second one and had to reveal everything to his girlfriend once he got his new supply pregnant.

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He was trying to “secretly” do the same to me

And he wasn’t the only one

Right after the rape, was when I was made aware he even had a girlfriend, and that he’s still sleeping with both women he had children with because… he can.

Why? Because they both have his kids.

He saw it as a right of passage since they were locked to him for life and he could switch between the two depending on their behavior.

And, yes, he said this.

This is when I learned that many of the men you see with multiple babies’ mothers aren’t as careless as we believe they are. Nor are they careless. They’re doing this on purpose.

They’re building a collection.

Each baby mama has a specific quality they’re looking for, and the accumulation of these women completes the package.

This is how malicious the mentality is.

I get very upset when I think about this conversation because of a very close encounter I had with a narcissist who violently raped me with the intent to impregnate me after I broke up with him. I wrote about it here,

In the article, I Was Not “Mature for My Age”.

As painful as this really is to talk about, I know this information needs to be shared and I have a responsibility to see that task through.

Because this is what men have been doing to us.

And knowing this might actually save a life by sparing a future and I personally hope it spares several.

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This is a very intimate form of destruction

Because our own wombs are being weaponized against us

Narcissistic men have always weaponized sex.

Let’s be honest, that’s the entire point of rape — using sex as a direct weapon. Narcissists specifically utilize coercive sex as a form of guerilla warfare, I don’t care what anybody says.

The intentional impregnation of a woman, to derail her entire life, is a very intimate form of destruction. And it should be a crime because —

It’s a form of reproductive enslavement.

They make us mothers so we’ll never grow to be independent women.

Our own bodies are being used to disarm us.

There are too many women whose dreams have been flushed down the toilet because they sacrificed the course of their futures to start a family. Many did so because they thought they were building a future, together,

With the men they loved.

This was the false pretense behind so many pregnancies

Yet, in reality, these narcissists just wanted to lock these women down and make sure they stayed stuck. In life and with him, just as long as she’s there whenever he wants or needs.

And if putting her in the role of ‘mother’ is what it takes to accomplish this, expect a pregnancy. Even if neither one is economically prepared for it. This is how deep this goes.

It keeps me up at night because I know a lot of women out there this has happened to and came close a time or two, myself. I’ve also watched several lives fall apart as they lost sight of themselves,

And just became mothers.

That’s not to say being a mom is a bad thing — but it is when it’s under false pretenses. Because you need to understand that narcissists are making us mothers so that we’ll never grow into the women we were meant to be,

Without them.

I’ve seen too many women become mothers before they ever became women. All because a narcissist couldn’t stand to “lose” them or watch them go on to have colorful lives without them.

So these narcissists turned their wombs into weapons that were used against them, making every child born an inadvertent life sentence because these men knew their time to shine would come.

So they made them mothers young before they ever had the chance to grow up, or finish enjoying their own youth.

They took that from them.

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Getting you pregnant is how a narcissist brands you

Image by iStockPhoto.com

It’s a literal sign of ownership

Because anyone who comes along knows they were there first — and for good. These pregnancies are no accident.

These narcissists either —

want revenge
want power (control)
want to make sure nobody else wants us
want to derail the course of our lives
don’t “want to lose” us
don’t want us to move on (at least, not without a piece of them, as a permanent reminder)

Getting us pregnant is their way of controlling us, and claiming our identities. Even in my own neighborhood,

You’ll often hear —

“that’s so and so’s baby’s mother”

You’ll never hear —

“that’s (insert her actual name)

This is branding.

It’s a complete degradation of individuality because they used our reputations as the shields they hide their intentions behind. Reducing us to one role we play in society — mothers.

What makes this wound deep is the fact that we actually need mothers. Without a mother’s life so many of our lives would have been (or are) incomplete. But, quite literally, without mothers,

We would not exist.

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Being a mother was once a sacred role

Now, it’s been reduced to a weapon used against us

As women, in gender warfare.

Pregnancy is being used to disarm us. It’s a tactic to keep us tethered to men who either hate us, don’t want to lose us, or both.

Getting us pregnant is the method many men are using to permanently latch themselves to us, like parasites to the perfect host. This is normal, where I live.

My father included.

My mother thought they were starting a family. My father was making an investment. My mother was a free spirit who didn’t want marriage. It took many years for her to desire to have me.

Once I came along, he changed.

This is a phenomenon I hear about often but also one I have experience with because I was the product of this same maneuver.

Once I was born it became obvious I was the love of my mother’s life, and this made my father very jealous. He became ultra abusive and by the time I was five years old, my mother left him and took me with her.

Once he realized that my role as a pawn didn’t, and wouldn’t work, to “keep” my mother… he wasn’t interested. To this day, I don’t understand the meaning of a father’s love.

Because I was his investment.

Not his daughter.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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