This Is Why You Get Emotionally Attached Way Too Soon

Have you ever wondered why you always fall for those emotionally unavailable people? Maybe it’s not them after all. Maybe things didn’t work out because you did it all wrong for all these years.

Or maybe, you just refuse to acknowledge that there’s a deeper issue you need to work on.

Without knowing the problems, you won’t be able to stop the toxic cycle you’re currently in.

If you find yourself keep falling for someone who’s bad for you but always takes forever to get out of the relationship, it’s a clear sign you have a bigger problem than just having bad luck in dating.

Most people who end up in a toxic relationship tend to have this one behavior; they get attached too soon before the relationship even starts. And that causes lots of issues.

But let’s talk about the reasons why it happens first:

You haven’t fully resolved your childhood issues
I grew up seeing my dad cheat on my mom multiple times. He’s also abusive towards her, and I’ve honestly never seen him treating my mom well.

There was always a fight and lack of communication in the house. That situation eventually impacted how I perceived men in general.

For so long, I looked at them as this monster that would ruin my life if I ever got close to them.

And because of that, I ended up sabotaging some really good relationships.

So do a self-check-in and ask yourself if you’ve resolved the childhood issues you have.

Because if you haven’t, this creates an unstable dynamic in your dating life as you haven’t found the perfect example of what a healthy relationship truly looks like.

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You think you’ve run out of time

This is one of the biggest reasons why you get attached way too soon to someone you barely know.

As you’re getting older, all of your peers are getting married now and probably having their second child, and here you are, still looking for your perfect match.

You’re tired of being single, but you also think you’re running out of time!

But guess what? The more you rush into it, the more chances you’ll fall for the wrong person.

Everything takes time to build, and so does a good relationship. You can’t expect to find someone who’s right for you in the span of 2 months being on dating apps — unless you’re really, really lucky.

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You see being in a relationship as something that could fix your loneliness

I’ve known people who’ve never been single.

They’re always in a relationship, and most of them are short-term ones which mean they jump from one relationship to another.

It doesn’t take long for them to get attached to somebody new after a breakup. It’s like they make their heart wide open and ready 24/7 for everyone except themselves.

It’s like a cycle — the unhealthy one.

People get attached way too soon because they think they can’t be with themselves. The loneliness is just too much to handle.

If you’re with someone already, you won’t have the time to even reflect on them, right?

But being in a relationship will never fix your loneliness. It’ll be there forever until you decide to do something about it.

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You haven’t taken the time to reflect on your past failed relationships

What’s the rush, really?

Trust me, there’s gonna be single people out there for you. But now, if you just got your heart broken, you might as well take a hiatus from dating.

The last thing you want to happen is you mistake true love with merely a rebound type of relationship. It’s true when they say, “hurt people, hurt people.”

When you’re still hurt, the last thing you want to do is to invest your time and energy in someone new again.

Not only do you have a higher chance of ruining the relationship, but it’ll also hurt the person you’re dating.

No one deserves to be treated as just a rebound partner. Being attached way too soon after a breakup has definitely lots of problems.

And this is just one of them.

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So now, what can you do?

“Unpacking uncomfortable internal conflict usually leads to understanding, insight, and self-awareness.” — Erin Leonard, Ph.D.

Taking a break from being in a relationship can also help you break the cycle — as long as you’re working on yourself during the break period.

Some people also use this opportunity to try out casual dating and see how they feel about it.

Unlearning your bad habit in dating and adopting a new mindset that’s more healthy is also a good start to having a more solid relationship in the future.

Before thinking about building it with someone else, you should work on the relationship you have with yourself first.

At the end of the day, people come and go — there’s only so much you can expect from others. So it’s always better to learn how to be your own best friend.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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