My Facebook has undergone a major buzz cut over the last few months.
I haven’t gone on an insane “unfriending spree” or anything quite so drastic — I’ve been on Facebook since 2006, after all. I’ve put down some roots. What I have done, however, is spam that beautifully secretive “unfollow” button an awful lot lately.
Okay yeah — I also unfriended some people. Sue me.
There has just been so much outrage. It’s too much bitterness and vehemence for one person to take in one sitting. And I think what I hate most of all is, oddly enough, the hate.
It’s not like I have an extensive collection of angry racists or “hate crimers” on my feed or anything so heinous. No; the hate I’m talking about is more sophisticated than that kind of thing. I’m referring to what might be considered more publicly acceptable hate—hate like “some douchebag cut in front of me at the grocery store,” or “right-wingers are morons who should be put in a locked room.” Actually, there’s been an awful lot of hate directed toward anyone with a different political belief than what’s publicly acceptable — at least, according to the TikTok brigade.
I won’t get into the ins and outs of who said what, but I will say that this hate is not one-sided, and no matter what you or I believe, there’s no denying that truth.
It’s not as though this collective vitriolic spewing isn’t natural. I get it — I do. Gas prices are up. The housing market is a nightmare. There’s considerable messiness out there with regard to reproductive, religious, human and political rights. Certain communities and minorities are feeling underrepresented and unseen. It’s all pretty ugly.
The world can seem a scary place, and while I understand our collective anger, this influx of vocal angry people isn’t helping the situation.
Actually, I think it might even be making it worse.
I’ve theorized over the last few years that angry people, in addition to being increasingly annoying and irrelevant, might also be legitimately bad for you — not just mentally but even, possibly, physically. And as it happens, I’m 100% right.
I’m just going to say it: avoid angry people at all costs — they will only bring you down, and you and your health will be the only ones to suffer.
Angry people bleed their negativity onto others
Angry people aren’t just frequent travellers on social media; I’ve noticed a fair few angry posts on Medium, too. Anger bleeds all over the internet it would seem.
I’ve seen articles published on this platform that are literally just rants. Rage-filled rants that take aim and fire at some poor unsuspecting soul or group or company and they’re usually viral.
Why?
Because people love to get angry, especially on social media, and Medium is no exception.
Those spiteful posts go viral because people are compelled to respond, to flip out, to share in order to shame, to tell the writer who dared write such nonsense about how terrible and awful they are. They tell them to educate themselves; to be better. Then the back-and-forth, not-so-witty banter ensues, then more angry people jump on board, and before you know it, you have a jumbled, sweaty mess of angry people piling on top of each other, blocking each other and writing scathing rebuttal and exposure posts about the naughty comments and subsequent posts as they rage.
I wasn’t immune to the lure of this anger in my not-so-distant past. There was an article on this site (it’s gone now) about women that got my hackles up; I admit it. I commented. I wasn’t nice. That comment then found its way, verbatim, in a responsive article — another viral article, no doubt — and I had to address it yet again.
I stopped commenting on articles after that, unless it was positive, or if I had some genuinely constructive feedback to offer, because my comments did nothing to change anyone’s mind, nor did the articles themselves change mine. The negative, anger-driven posts just aren’t worth my time — or yours. Presenting compelling facts and new information is one thing, but presenting tired, repetitive ideas and ideologies over and over again will never change anyone’s mind. So I stopped bothering.
It may come as no surprise that I’m happier not throwing myself into the mud pit with the rest of them. It’s something that I feel certain would benefit everyone if they did likewise.
Angry posts beget angry comments which beget more angry posts, and so on. Anger bleeds and spreads faster in our culture than a bottle of black ink on a white carpet.
The bleeding can stop with you — do not partake in the word vomit that is social media. There is literally no reason to engage with angry people, especially when they’re strangers at the peak of their outrage. You won’t change their mind. You won’t bring them over to your side.
Just walk away. Trust me. You’ll be better off.
Angry people are bad for your health
Not only is anger on social media contagious, but it’s terrible for your mental and physical health.
Studies have repeatedly shown that allowing yourself to be affected by anger and by angry people can increase and even exacerbate certain physical ailments and influence others suffering from illnesses.
While the allure of anger is so potent, the idea that it’s terrible for you is older than water. For instance, Buddhists have long believed that anger is something that needs to be addressed internally and combated with positive, calm emotions and energies. While generally considered to be a pretty wise way to approach life, you don’t have to convert to realize that anger, especially when placed in the wrong hands, can be dangerous.
One form of anger that most of us have experienced at some point in our adult lives is road rage. The word “rage” is so appropriate here — thousands of people have been injured, physically, in a road rage incident in our lifetime. People have even been killed due to this frightening and powerful display of rage, and for what? Running a light? Cutting someone off in traffic?
Angry people can also affect our emotional well-being, which should come as no surprise. The first and most common result of being around an angry person or reading angry social media posts is to get angry, too. Emotions of all kinds are contagious, after all — when someone smiles at you, you generally return the smile, possibly without even realizing it.
According to research conducted by Yale sociologist Nicholas Christakis, emotions spread like any contagion, and those emotions can be positive or negative. A sad text to your friend could make you both feel sad, while on the other hand, a gleeful exchange over brunch can make everyone involved feel happier when they leave the table.
More research also suggests — and appears to be accurate from where I sit — that social media spreads emotions in much the same way. The scariest thing about this human reality is that through social media, we can easily mimic and spread anger and hate with very little effort or consideration of the outcome.
It’s just so easy.
As someone who’s learned the hard way, let me give you some advice — don’t just do what’s easy. Do what’s right. Angry people don’t have as much figured out as they think, so don’t jump on their bandwagons.
I’m telling you. Do not partake.
Anger is Trending
When you search for the overall success and creative capabilities of angry people on Google, you get a plethora of “get angry to get ahead” articles that actually encourage adults to express their bitter emotions to prosperously propel their careers or personal life.
There’s some truth to that, depending on what someone might be angry about — but bitter outrage towards the “state of the world” isn’t what I would call “healthy anger.” Are you angry about not getting a well-deserved promotion? Sure, use that to fuel your next proposal. Angry about your spouse’s inability to pick up his socks from the floor? Go ahead and have the fight. You have some control over these pieces of your life, but your anger at the world won’t solve world hunger or bring peace to wartorn countries. Find something productive to do instead — that’s the best way to help others.
Besides, anger and rage come at a pretty hefty price when your health is concerned. What’s more, angry people tend to surround themselves with drama, because people who love being angry (and likely don’t even know they love it) need something to perpetually stoke the fire within them.
And I don’t know about you, but I have Netflix and Prime. I have enough drama in my life as it is and it’s not even mine — exactly how I like it.
Don’t join the angry mob, friends — anger is not the way forward. There’s an age-old saying that applies to some degree, here: “don’t get mad, get even.” I don’t know about that, but here’s another equally popular and considerably wiser adage: “the best revenge is living well.”
I couldn’t agree more with that one. Don’t feed the trolls. Don’t add fuel to any fires. Just live your life as a good person, and get mad about socks on the floor if you must — whatever you do, though, don’t let it consume you.
Oh, and maybe turn off social media for a while. It will probably only make you angry.
—
This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | Why I Don’t Want to Talk About Race | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: Shutterstock