This Is Your Sign To Learn Her Love Languages

The part where I was a man baby

I’ve never been accused of being a man who is aware of his surroundings. I have the grace of a cow with an inner ear infection on a good day.

I am at least a man who can admit he is not entirely self-aware and that’s gotta count for something!

When I first met my partner, it was love at first sight. I mean it. Head over heels in love with everything about her from the day I met her.

Being a writer, and a man who values words, I began to write her notes. I’d leave them for her in places she could find. When I bought her a card on special occasions I would handcraft the note inside the card with my best writing abilities and fill it with nonsensical mushy declarations.

I remember watching her face as she opened the card and read it. Proud of myself, I prepared to catch her in my arms as she hugged me in tears. Instead, she said:

“Aw”

Aw? I just wrote a Shakespearean-worthy play inside her card, and I got a one-syllable response?

Like Drake, I sat in my feels for the rest of the night until she called me out on my mood.

“I wrote you the love note of all love notes and you didn’t seem to care. It hurt my feelings a bit because I want you to know how much I care”

She looked me in the eyes and said

“Words don’t really do anything for me. It’s not my love language. I thought it was sweet though!”

The five love languages

I had never heard of a love language before so I immediately googled it. This is where the whole “Not aware of my surroundings” issue comes to play.

The Five Love Languages is a worldwide movement developed by Dr. Gary Chapman. The basic premise is that everyone shows love and requires love to be shown in 5 different ways.

• Words of Affirmation
• Acts of Service
• Receiving Gifts
• Quality Time
• Physical Touch

Generally speaking, people give love by default in the manner that they prefer to receive it. In my situation, I was writing words to my partner because my love language is clearly “Words of Affirmation.”

Hers was not.

I could have published a literary romantic classic and had it dedicated in her honour and it would have had almost no effect on her.

She wasn’t feeling a closeness to me via my words so I had to take the time and figure out her love language. I proposed we do the test!

I learned her love language

I have since come to find out that my partner’s love languages center around receiving gifts and quality time. Now that I realize this, I have shifted the way I show her love.

It is very unnatural for me to show love by giving gifts, however, it is important for her so I trained myself to do it. They don’t have to be large elaborate gifts but rather things to show her I’m thinking about her.

Here are some examples of gifts I give her every week:

• Pick up her favourite coffee on my way home.
• Grab her the magazine she reads when I’m at the grocery store.
• Pick up small treats and leave them by her bedside table for her to find.

I also carve out quality time with her. For us that looks like this:

• I spend time with her reading on the porch.
• We watch our favourite shows together.
• We go for walks around the city together.

How has it changed things?

I understand it might sound like this is a silly concept but since I took the time to learn how she needs to feel love, it has been a game-changer for our relationship.

My partner doesn’t question how I feel about her because I actively take time out of my day to show her love, in the language she speaks.

This isn’t going to solve all of your relationship issues, I’m not that naive. I do think that your making the effort to learn your partner’s love language will speak more volumes about your commitment to the relationship.

At the end of the day, the only thing you can control is how you choose to show your partner love. Why not learn their love language and communicate it in a way that will make them feel heard?

Take it from a divorced dude with a few toxic relationships under his belt. When you take the time to do the work, it makes a world of difference.

Your challenge is to get your partner to do this test so you can figure out your love languages! Start showing them love in that way and come back here and report to me how things are going!

If it made no difference, I’ll write a post eating my words. My bet is I won’t have to.

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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