This Mental Shift Will Change How You View Your Relationship and All the Chaos in it

Do you ever feel confused and frustrated when dealing with women? How often do you find yourself wondering why she got mad or why anyone would overreact as much as she does? I’m guessing that in those moments, you are almost always frustrated: wondering how to repair a problem you don’t understand.

You see, living with women is difficult. It almost feels like we are completely different, members of different species.

I know, that’s neither new nor insightful. Better men and women than I have said it. Think John Gray’s classic, Men are from Mars, women from Venus, or Olivia Judson’s famous quip — “The battle of the sexes is an eternal war”. You might also accept the conclusions of four Stanford researchers whose research revealed differences in the functional brain organizations of men and women.

The point is, we are not the same. And you only truly feel it when you live together — as man and woman.

Women can be insanely infuriating

It is only then that you notice the small things. You realize, for example, just how often they will be mad at you. The tiniest thing will set them off and get them to go silent on you for a few hours, and that’s if you are lucky.

That is to say nothing of their insanely ridiculous double standards. We all know the golden rule: Never leave the toilet seat up. But, if you really think about it, what real difficulty is there in putting it down? I mean, we have to lift it up when they leave it down, which we can all agree is much more difficult.

Another thing — women will say things to you that you can’t really say to them. A woman will make fun of you and expect you to maintain your cool, while you will sure as day face her wrath and tears if you so much as think about making fun of her.

She always looks amazing — never fat, never tired, never ugly. You, on the other hand, could be a short king, a broke guy, out-of-touch, classless, fat, and any number of tasteful adjectives.

A woman could shatter your confidence. She might use your insecurities against you, making you feel small for throwing them in your face. You reveal your insecurities to her in a moment of vulnerability, and she later uses them against you.

Many a man has lowered their own self-esteem just by having their women highlight their flaws in arguments Indeed, your girlfriend, fiancée, or wife has the power to destroy you. She can berate you, order you around, dismiss you, disrespect you, humiliate you, emasculate you.

Living with her is a test of endurance and courage.

It’s really no wonder that many people, many men, are opting out of relationships, marriages, and families. While each one of them could cite several reasons — abuse, toxicity, lack of effort and interest, lack of enjoyment and meaning — most of the reasons stem from communication breakdowns and a real failure in understanding each other.

What Doesn’t Kill you…

As such, it might be worthwhile to look at it from a different angle. Yes, your relationship could break you, but more often than not, if you just pay attention, it will make you stronger, wiser, better.

Living with a woman is difficult. And within that difficulty lies the chance for you to develop endurance and perseverance.

You learn how to be softer, kinder, gentler, wiser. You take on more responsibility and become accountable for your words and actions, both traits being indispensable in any endeavor in life.

If you pay attention, you develop a keen understanding of her. You start to see her patterns and, even more importantly, your own patterns. You see the powerful yet invisible dynamics that plague and destabilize your relationships.

And in doing so, you learn to appreciate her and treat her with kindness, forgiveness, understanding, acceptance, and gentleness. It is in that difficulty that you learn your role as a man and grow within it.

You become a better listener, a better comforter, a better lover. You discover the need to measure your words, moderate your reactions, control your emotions, and act with intent and haste.

You become the rock upon which she can lean and rest.

Yes, living with a woman is difficult, but the right one will cheer you on and encourage you to become better. She will listen to you, care for you, pamper you, make you feel seen and heard, and brag about you to anyone who will listen. She will correct you, which will infuriate you until you realize that she just wants the best for you. She will use her intuition to guide you and prop you up. She will sing for you, dance for you, hold you, caress you, make you feel special.

Maybe think about your mother

It takes a lot of time and effort to understand women. Most of us will never really understand them. Or when we do, it is often too late. But heck, all we need to do is to step back and think back to our mothers.

Our mothers were strict disciplinarians. They forced us to do chores when we wanted to play outside with our friends or watch TV. They beat us when we misbehaved and ensured that we related well with everyone. At the time, we did not like it, but as we grew up, we came to understand everything they did. And we came to love the hell out them for it for they made us, molded us, piece by piece into men — confident, capable men.

Masculinity is a powerful force, but only if it is harnessed and directed towards the proper channels. It can be used to fight, injure, maim, kill, but it can also be used to build, create, guide, and lead. More often than not, though, masculine requires feminine as a knife requires a whetstone.

Sure, living with a woman is difficult. But it is rewarding. We just need to see it, not with anger, animosity, or hatred, but with understanding, compassion, forgiveness, and love.

What’s the saying again?

Women — can’t live without them, can’t live with them.