There are many types of breakups. However, no matter how long you’ve been together, you can’t compete with “the feeling is gone”. When one person chooses to leave, the other is left behind.
The healing process after a breakup can be divided into four stages:
- Retrieval — you try to win the person back for several weeks.
- Heartache — you realize the person won’t come back and feel the pain deeply.
- Sedimentation: you realize you also take responsibility for the decision, and so stop clinging to loveless love.
- Letting go — finally, you accept the end and stop asking “why.”
What I hate most is when two break up, the one who initiated it fulfills the other’s request because of guilt, letting the reluctant one still believe there’s hope. Those who choose to say goodbye must have thought it through rationally. But the one being let go is often reluctant to do so, wanting to rely on the past.
Ask yourself:
If you had to relive the bad times, would you want to get back together? You can forgive many excuses but not deliberate self-deception. If the answer is no, it’s time to move on from a lifeless relationship. Your reason tells you it’s over, even if your heart isn’t ready.
To let go, stop asking “why” and embrace “luckily”:
No more: “why he left me?”
Instead, “Luckily he left so I can find someone better.”
“Luckily he left as we wouldn’t have been happy together.”
“Luckily friends support me.”
The instinct is to find reasons, but don’t dwell on the “why” of a breakup. It won’t make you happier but will only drag you down. What’s not meant for you can’t be kept by force. Life is about enduring and learning to support yourself. All hearts break, but what we build from the broken pieces is the strongest.
You understand this rationally, but emotional comfort comes from yourself, not reasons. This sounds bitter but necessary. Breakups lose people but find yourself.
Here are my suggestions for those dealing with heartbreak:
1. Don’t cling to loveless love.
2. Those who leave likely thought it through, while those left long to rely on the past.
3. Would you want to relive the bad times? If not, it’s time to move on.
4. “Love is gone” is the only answer to every end.
5. Asking “why” won’t make you feel better but stuck in a cycle. Use the word “luckily.”
6. What’s not meant for you can’t be kept by force.
7. Dwelling on pain won’t lead to happiness. Help yourself, not from ‘ex’.
8. Breakups lose people but time to find yourself.
9. Take time to reflect then look ahead, not behind.
While breakups are painful, they reveal our strength. Don’t dwell on “why” but embrace the future. Losing love leads us back to ourselves, the ones who can comfort us. The journey is hard but walks us home.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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