In life and especially in dating, you’re never going to find someone who agrees with you 100%.
The goal isn’t to find a carbon copy of yourself, but someone who can introduce you to a whole new dimension. This is why the “good girl” and “bad boy” trope is so popular. Why masculine men are attracted to feminine women. Differences can create harmony and make for some of the most passionate relationships.
It’s also important that you have things in common. Especially in the realm of values and priorities in life.
A 2020 study by Pew Research Center recently asked young people about their top “deal breakers” for potential partners. Here are the top 5 (in order).
1. Long distance.
Most people aren’t willing to make the sacrifices necessary to maintain a relationship when you have to be physically apart. Traveling can be a huge sacrifice and makes it so much harder to get to know a person.
Can long-distance relationships work? Of course, if the connection is strong enough and both people are willing to put in the effort.
But more often than not, it seems people just aren’t willing to.
2. Significant amounts of debt.
There’s a reason why finances are the number one cause of divorce. Significant debt (especially due to reckless spending or poor financial habits) can make or break a relationship.
Plus, the way a person spends money can tell you a lot about them. Are they responsible? Generous? Materialistic?
All of these things matter in long-term relationships. Financial compatibility, for many people, is a must.
3. Voted for Donald Trump.
I am all for religion and political talk on a first date. I personally would rather know where a person stands sooner than later.
That said, a person’s political leanings can tell you a lot about them. If you feel very strongly one way or another, it’s better to get that out of the way.
4. A 10+ year age gap.
While it’s not unheard of, relationship age gaps aren’t super common these days. It’s no secret that some women enjoy dating older, more established men. However, relationship age gaps can be difficult to navigate.
Depending on your maturity level and where you are in life, a 10+ year age gap can be insurmountable. If you’re 55 and your partner is 45, that’s not very taboo.
But if you’re a 19 year-old-college freshman and a 29-year-old adult wants to take you out…that would raise some eyebrows. (And for good reason.)
5. Has children from another relationship.
Having children is a huge responsibility — let alone having to parent them alongside your partner’s ex.
While blended families can work, they do add a lot of additional strain on a relationship. Younger people who are still aiming to have a family of their own someday will most likely not prefer to be with someone who already has (or had) a family with someone else.
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Final thoughts
There are many reasons a person might not choose to date someone, but these were the top five — and they’re all pretty significant.
When dating someone new, take the time to evaluate which differences you are willing to compromise on and which ones you aren’t.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Maria Lysenko on Unsplash