1. ACCEPT THAT ONLINE DATING IS WHERE IT IS AT: Get over those old assumptions. Have a bit of faith in meeting folks who are also identify as wanting a relationship!
2. KNOW WHAT YOU WANT: Spend sometime thinking, writing, imagining the parter of your dreams. What qualities are most important to you? How do you want to feel when you are around this person? What are your ‘must haves’ in a relationship? What are your deal breakers?
3. EXPLORE ONLINE DATING SITES: They each have their own flavor. Find a couple that you like. Pay for a subscription for at least a few months. Don’t be cheap! We ain’t getting any younger!
4. SEARCH SMART: 90–95% of all profiles are going to be NO. That’s because you know what you want and don’t want, and you are really good at figuring out the metamessage in each profile and trusting your gut.
5. LET YOUR BOTTOM LINE HELP: Smoking is a deal breaker often. Same with people on the opposite political spectrum. Height and width too. But the big test is the intangible vibe of their energy, their personal habits, their lifestyle. It is too soon to know that, so you have to get good at sussing out if there is potential.
6. TRUST YOUR STUFF: Expect to be ditched, ghosted, dropped for no good reason. Feel bad for a minute and then keep on. You are a detective, solving a case. You are a shopper, finding the right fit. A lot of leads are dead ends. A lot of outfits don’t fit just right.
7. CREATE GOOD KARMA: I decided early on that I would try hard to a) create no bad dating karma, b) be very civil with everyone, and c) be discriminating in order to minimize bad experiences.
8. BEGIN AT THE BEGINNING: Beginnings only happen once, so enjoy it by taking it slow to see if there is rapport. Take the time to talk or email to get to know each other. Graduate to the phone if you want. Don’t be shy about talking about STDs and COVID.
9. MEETING VIRTUALLY AND IN REAL LIFE: Stay in the present. Don’t get ahead of yourselves. Take small steps. If and when you feel ready, go to a zoom or coffee date. Assess. See if you (both) want to meet again or politely let it go.
10. ONGOING DATING: It usually takes me 3–4 dates with lots of very regular communication in between (texts, phone, emails) to know if I want to continue you both want to explore this relationship. Let it be fun. I am all for courting. Don’t rush. Stay in the present. Walk through each stage with eyes wide open. After the initial honeymoon phase (3–4 months ish), find out your real emotional, communicative and lifestyle compatibility by taking the time to see what you can build. Welcome the rocky times, when your communication styles and abilities clash. Find out if you can weather the storm and move forward.
11. HAVE AN AHA MOMENT: Realize that being old has nothing to do with these top ten keys! Its the same for any age!
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Previously Published on Medium
