Michelangelo once said, “To touch can be to give life.” Science has proven his words correct.
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When was the last time you hugged a friend? Not a one second bro-hug. A multi-count, two-armed embrace.
When have you last gripped another man’s shoulder, patted him on the back, or shook his hand?
For some, touch has become taboo. “Stay out of my personal bubble and I’ll stay out of yours.”
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This June, the secretary of corrections for the New Mexico Department of Corrections went undercover for 48 hours within his own prison system to better understand solitary confinement practices and its effects on inmates. While he was there, he commented on the fact that some of the only touch these inmates may receive all day is during transfer to and from the recreation yard. He was, and is, concerned about the emotional, psychological, and physical health of these solitary confinement inmates. While he wasn’t explicitly studying touch, he knows our underlying need as social beings for human contact.
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For some, touch has become taboo. “Stay out of my personal bubble and I’ll stay out of yours.” But what they miss is touch’s incredible power. No, this isn’t the awkward “good touch/bad touch” conversation. It’s about how touch builds connection with others and truly has the power to give life.
Get this. In the thirteenth century, German emperor Frederick II ordered a despicable experiment that tells us today about the importance of touch. Frederick wondered what language and words children raised in isolation would learn. His servants kidnapped infants from homes with strict instructions—no touching, cuddling, or talking with the children, under any circumstances, afterward. Not to spoil your day, but do you know what happened to those babies? They died before they learned to speak!
Centuries later in the 1960s, equally cruel experiments with primates showed that those stripped from their mothers and raised in isolation developed Somatosensory Affectional Deprivation Syndrome (SADS). SADS feels as bad as it sounds. It caused the primates depression, movement disorders like rocking and self-mutilation, and an ultra-sensitivity to touch.
You receive less touch than infants, but it doesn’t make the necessity any less.
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More recently, the science of touch has gained additional traction. Tiffany Field, a leader in touch research, discovered that premature infants receiving just 15 minutes of touch therapy for approximately one week gained 47% more weight than those receiving standard medical care.
Research has even shown that baby rats groomed more by their mothers grow up calmer and more resilient.
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You receive less touch than infants, but it doesn’t make the necessity any less. Partly it’s because Mom’s slobbery kisses in public don’t help your independence or popularity level. Partly it’s because touch associates with sex and can weird you out rather than make you feel good. Also, there are some creepy people out there you just don’t want touching you. This all results in less direct contact.
Touch increases the brain’s oxytocin levels, a chemical which aids heart health.
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Men should touch and be touched more. No, you may not grope the next person you see. Respectable touch is the name of the game.
Consider this. In the 1960’s, psychologist Sidney Jourard observed pairs of individuals at cafes in various countries to see how often touch was made in a one hour period. In the United States, pairs touched, on average two times. Conversely, French pairs touched an average of 110 times, while those in Puerto Rico touched an average of 180 times.
Touch increases the brain’s oxytocin levels, a chemical which aids heart health and actually makes you feel more connected. In turn, touch lowers levels of the stress hormone, cortisol. Additionally, touch activates the orbitofrontal cortex, linked to reward and compassion feelings. Maybe this is why hugs and touches give you a warm feeling in the chest, relax you, and make you feel closer to others.
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Begin at home. Hug your siblings, and let them hug you. Accept a neck massage after a stressful day. Greet a friend with a high five or a pat on the shoulder. Hold someone’s hand. Every respectable touch will bring you and the receiver happiness. It will bring you both life.
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Image credit: geishaboy500/flickr
Martial arts may be one way to get touch therapy in a masculine way…I came out of two hour sessions covered with bruises all over my arms and legs…sparring forces you to get over yourself and to get to know another person in a very intimate way….a lot can be said about the way that someone fights in karate…
Many men are simply not touchy feely and I can respect that. Strangely enough though, one of the guys in my men’s group is quite touchy feely in that he often times hugs … actually he always greets with a hug, at times squeezes your shoulder or back of your neck (hard to describe.) You wouldn’t think he was a secret service agent.
As a Massage Therapist I agree wholeheartedly with the idea of touch being important for men. Unfortunately one of the aspects of the modern PC world is that much of men’s touch has become demonized. Part of male touch is gained from horseplay, wrestling, and plain old back slapping. How many elementary schools permit that anymore? Touch is vital to us as human beings but one of the problem lies in the fact that there are some people trying to enforce what they think to be “proper” touch. Is it any wonder many, many men are now lacking touch?
A favorite phrase of mine is, “put that hand away – we’re huggers here.” Well said, Scott.
I’ll use that. it really saddens me when I two groups of friends meet and I see the women kiss each other on the cheek, the men and women hug each other, and the men shaking hands. It’s like we can’t be trusted or something, and whenever a close male friend tries to shake my hand it feels so impersonal and cold.
My cousins are the same way. Admittedly, we’re not like best friends, but we’re close enough to talk comfortably and easily to one another. I’d like to even give them a quick hug, but it all boils down to just a cold handshake, like we’re meeting for the first time. What’s odd is that any interaction with girls, we all hug, but between guys, we don’t. Never quite got that.
I asked the same question and then discovered it’s easy to fix,really, just reach out and hug the dude.
10 times out of ten, that’s 100% of the time, I get the hug back, even tighter.
And the next time we meet, at least 1 out of 2 reach out for the hug before I did.
Probably two bro hugs in the last three years.
The last physical contact was at least six months ago.