Toxic Masculinity: It’s Complicated

An antiquated phrase with a curious history.

In a medical review originally posted November 2022 with a 2024 update, the online medical information service WebMD presented an overview, diagnosis and treatment plan for toxic masculinity. To be clear, no where in this overview does WebMD identify toxic masculinity as a medical condition. Nevertheless, treating it as a social disorder, the medical reviewer points out:

“[The term] is meant to point out that certain behaviors and ways of thinking often associated with masculinity, from mental and physical toughness to sexism and homophobia, have a negative and often dangerous impact on the world.”

There is absolutely no doubt that the #MeToo movement, which emerged loudly during the years 2015–2017, exposed a tremendous amount of despicable behavior by men toward women, behavior that follows from traditional gender roles as performed by traditional “old school” men. In particular, the notion that men are aggressive, dominant, violent and denigrating toward women.

But while we must call out the aggressive actions of individual men, and we must all agree to put a stop to these anti-social and misogynistic behaviors, unfortunately the “toxic masculinity” label became a blanket accusation toward all men in practically all situations, and this is not useful. Male problems in general were seen as symptoms of toxic masculinity. Blaming is generally not a useful tactic for self-growth, nor is use of the phrase “toxic masculinity” a simple matter.

The problems associated with toxic masculinity are first and foremost about how men interact with other men.

These problems are first and foremost about how men interact with other men, and as a consequence, how men perceive themselves. And it all starts with how we raise boys. Most boys are raised in a schoolyard crucible of self-doubt and shame enforced by their peers. These include mandatory requirements for performing manhood and fierce restrictions on what one must not be, including the women-denigrating “stop being such a girl.”

To further clarify, we do not suggest that the WebMD review in any way legitimizes “toxic masculinity,” since we fully realize there is a legitimate debate around this phrase. Even so, the WebMD review presents a curious opportunity to view the concept from a medical point of view.

Interestingly, the piece includes a bit of history. The phrase “toxic masculinity” began as part of the men’s movement in the late 20th century to describe a narrow set of ideas that were holding men back rather than empowering them. It was considered a characteristic of immature men who favored competition rather than community, lacked intergenerational bonding with their fathers, and who withheld emotional expression.

Whatever its origins, suffice to say that the term “toxic masculinity” was picked up by fourth-wave feminism as a response to the rise of the #MeToo movement and both went viral.

As a related matter, further confusion is found in the term “don’t be a pussy.” At first glance, many readers will misunderstand this as a slang term referring to female genitals. But this is not the source of the word. Urban Dictionary clarifies that:

“…’pussy’ is the shortened form of the word ‘pusillanimous’, which means ‘timid, cowardly’, therefore it is saying do not be a coward.”

What are signs of toxic masculinity according to WebMD? Homophobia or fear of appearing gay, the need for control, promiscuity or “body count,” denying responsibility for household chores, excessive risk taking, sexual aggression towards women, stoicism and violence. The review focused particularly on domestic violence as an example of harm to society, noting statistics that portray the stunning correlation between homicide among domestic partners and the overwhelming predominance of women as victims.

But a review by Psychology Today uses stronger language to define traits associated with toxic masculinity:

“The term toxic masculinity usually refers to paranoia, sociopathy, malignant narcissism, or self-righteous vindictiveness. [But] To blame something like violence simply on a person’s “maleness” is inaccurate and reveals bias.”

The WebMD review touches upon strategies for stopping toxic masculinity including marketing campaigns, educating parents to create nurturing and safe environments for their kids, avoiding physical punishment and humiliation, and creating programs that positively integrate boys and men into society. These are all reasonable interventions for WebMD’s relatively modest definition.

Many recent scholars have argued against the validity of the “toxic masculinity” phrase. Richard Reeves, formerly a senior fellow at the Brookings Institute and now president of the American Institute for Boys and Men or AIBM, suggests that toxic masculinity is a harmful myth:

“Very few boys and men are likely to react well to the idea that there is something toxic inside them that needs to be exorcized. When it comes to masculinity, society is sending a message that men are acculturated into certain ways of behaving, which can therefore be socialized out of them. But this is simply false.”

Feminist author Helen Lewis expands on this notion by noting that blaming men for the generic “toxic masculinity” is misleading and dangerous:

“The toxic masculinity . . . framing alienates the majority of nonviolent, non-extreme men, and does little to address the grievances, or counteract the methods, that lure susceptible individuals toward the far right [the manosphere].”

Psychology Today focuses on the implications for raising children in gender-specific ways:

“Don’t overly tie masculinity and femininity to whether the child is a boy or girl. Many boys are more feminine than many girls, and many girls are more masculine than many boys.”

In my experience, the same can be said of adult men and women. One of the most intriguing aspects of meeting new people is trying to understand them within the mental spectrum of masculinity and femininity. Many fall somewhere in the middle.

Masculinity is a neutral human trait, nothing more or less, and it is the agenda of the Shine a Light Men’s Project to develop a more positive masculinity that avoids denigrating either men or women.

Vic Caldarola is the founder and lead facilitator of the Shine a Light Men’s Project, a men’s mindfulness discussion program. He holds a PhD in Communication Studies.

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