In an epic failure of our own race, or perhaps more kindly put, a thing we are working on as a species is Closure. Don’t count on progress. People usually take closure to their graves.
In a sense, closure makes sense. We want to know why that Job Offer never fell through. I mean, the hiring manager was wearing the same shirt as our mom and we made sure they knew. Or why the internship never translated into more than three months of grill meat at the Company BBQ’s. Or the ever-gnawing resentment toward a person who didn’t notice us. I mean, who are they to reject all that we have to offer?
There is a whole slew of sayings in Latin, and probably many other languages. Even if we combined them together, they still couldn’t do justice to human beings and their intense need for closure. It is second nature for us to need explanations on things which matter most for us, especially when we don’t get them. This could be jobs, relationships, a certain style of earrings, ideal parents and opportunities galore.
Luckily, for many of us in Happy Relationships would know, Real Love is in itself an ultimate form of closure. When it comes to love, we tend to reach the pinnacle when it’s with someone who is as equally, if not more crazy about us, then we are about them. In dating, humans usually tend to gauge our level of interest depending on what benefits the other person is providing (Financial, Emotional, Proximity Wise, Level of Care and Concern, Types of Cuisines and Destinations We Can Expect Them To Experience With Us etc.) However, with real love, those things get thrown right out the window.
In real love, we tend to experience things on a granular level. There are several, actually millions of fragile threads that have led to our hearts connecting in a way unique enough to be called real love. Everything in love is connected; past, present and future. There are family histories coming together, reshaping, reforming and restructuring to be able to hold up this precious relationship. There are socio-economic, political and even religious elements which shape the nature and trajectory of how real love pans out in the real world. Perhaps most importantly, it’s this type of relationship that washes over, under and right through our past mishaps. In other words, we let our guards down.
“Can you believe we’ve already been together for 15 years?” Or, “Have you even considered how much time we’ve spent together, even though we’ve only known each other for a month?” Such lines are retrospective as love has already been discovered at this point? However, what remains a mystery is the ever surprising way in which it unfolds. Not always pretty and not always perfect. Yet, in the most calming and awakening sense, it still accounts for all our losses, including the lovers, exes and even crushes of our past. The questions that once haunted us in our waking and sleeping hours, the insecurities and doubts about whether that was our last chance at love have finally been answered; it’s a resounding NO.
The beautiful and ugly part about closure is that it never comes from the one who owes it to us. In fact, sometimes it never comes at all. Our twisted fates as individuals and as a collective race leave tons of room for second guessing, doubts and heartbreaks. It’s a part of every facet of our lives. When it takes a toll in our personal lives, it usually spreads like a virus in every other part of our lives as well; careers, children and other personal relationships we cherish. It is no surprise then, why we love and seek our closure. It is neat, packaged nicely and presented in large chunks which might take time to digest. The end result will be a successful transition in our mental state. If we knew how deeply ingrained our need for closure was dependent on our survival, perhaps we would take it more seriously.
What I have come to discover is that closure can happen through love. The best parts of you, finally able to breathe is just one reason why. Real Love holds our hands through rocky terrain and allows us to feel empowered. However, real love also shows us our blind spots and parts of us we neglect to empower or work on. Real Love helps us cross the river, in the middle of a storm (for some, it’s a hurricane) to get to the other side. This storm represents our ever-pressing need for closure of a broken past relationship or constantly living in the carcass of it’s ruins because we are too prideful or hurt to admit how it’s affected us.
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love and is republished here with permission from the author.
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Photo credit: Mary Niazi